your advice is urgently needed

Dear Yezz,

Thanks for your note.

As to your question, it's actually a tough one to answer for two reasons:

1) You haven't indicated to which school you are applying, or provided any guidelines in terms of page/word limits that the school has imposed. Since each school has its particular nuances in terms of the approach, it would be helpful for me to have that information.

2) You have measured the length of the draft in lines, which is not a unit of measure that the MBA applications typically use. Most schools have word or page limits instead.

Having said that, the broad outline you provide does look like it risks speaking more about your background and 'personal philosophy' when the prompt requests information on your goals and need for the MBA degree. This is not to say that you can't have a bit of background content to set the stage for your goals (and lend logic/credibility to them), but I worry that you may be under-playing the 'why MBA' component a bit.

For more tips on how to approach a career goals essay, you may want to read this post:
https://blog.clearadmit.com/2008/05/admi ... s-essay-2/

Best of luck with your applications,

Graham