Touchy subject

Hi Marisa - Here is my personal view (obviously I am not an authority on this stuff). I hope some of this will be of use to you. I am not trying to be overcritical ... but since it is 3am and I cannot sleep I thought I'll try to help as best as I can

Generally, I am not sure if this topic (which will likely be the content for an optional essay) lends itself to "poetic" writing. I would have opted for a more factual and concise paragraph.

Nonetheless, I think the start of the essay is very strong.
==============================
The last few months before I was laid off resembled a reality show. Once sparkling offices with cherry wood desks became dusty and dingy. Smiles and conversations grew fewer and farther between. More meetings behind closed doors were conducted with less people. Most employees came to work anxiously awaiting who would be the next employee “voted off”. (despite my comment on the misfit of poetic writing I like the way this is written. I am just not sure if this writing style is appropriate for the topic)

The day after I completed a six-month long project, I walked into a meeting with my direct supervisor and Department Head. They surprised me with a proposal to step down in position or take a “no fault separation”. They praised my work and guaranteed (reassured) me that this was an economical business decision. I thanked them for the opportunity to stay but did not accept the employment offer. This decision was not out of arrogance or entitlement but integrity. (I am not convinced ... integrity is a big topic. Without and introduction or substantiation, this sentence does not fit)

One of the many lessons I learned in Sales is how important relationships are. This incident changed my relationship with my supervisor and I no longer feel comfortable asking her for a recommendation. (Perhaps you want to lead into the second sentence by saying something like "While I maintain a professional / amicable relationship with my supervisor, I am not comfortable ....". You do not want to sound like you're bitter)

I poured my heart and soul into the job; however, it was not enough. Working hard will not guarantee me a career. I want to pursue an MBA to equip myself with more skills and strategy to secure my foundation.

I would definitely not use the last paragraph. It sounds very bitter and serves no purpose. "Working hard will not guarantee me a career" leads the reader to believe that you have concluded that working hard is pointless. This is not the message you want to convey.

"I want to pursue an MBA to equip myself with more skills and strategy to secure my foundation." This sentence does not make sense and also sounds defensive. I see how you one can equip themselves with more skills (better wording would be "to gain skills") .. but how can one "equip themselves with strategy"? Additionally, securing a foundation is passive and defensive. It sounds like you are feeling threatened and under attack. This is not the lack of confidence you want to convey. Rather, you may want to "proactively strengthen your foundation"

Hi M,
Without knowing too much about your background or what school you are applying to... I think you should be more direct in your response. I am assuming you are answering the 'Why No LOR from Current Supervisor" question in your Optional Essay (or even a separate essay), but either way - you should be more direct and to the point. You dont want to go into too much detail nor criticize your manager or the company. You may even consider 'spinning' the story, so that you dont have to go into too much detail.

Regards,

N