Below is the rough draft of my MBA admissions essay. I have removed the names of schools and my workplace for privacy reasons, everything else is exactly as I typed it. For this particular essay, I was only told to explain in 750 words or less why I hope to pursue an MBA degree. Anyways, here it is:
"I am applying to the Masters of Business Administration program at the {University} with the intention of obtaining the hours required to take the CPA exam and learning about other basic aspects of business in the process. After passing the CPA exam, I hope to one day open my own accounting firm, which will provide to clients any accounting service needed, whether it be help with taxes, running a business, or auditing services. I believe the MBA program at the {University} will be a perfect fit for me because of the diversity of the students and their willingness to accommodate my academic needs while allowing me to hold a full time job. I intend to graduate from the program with expanded knowledge of business as well as improved skills beneficial for success in the working world. I think I will be a great fit for the program because of my business knowledge and drive to succeed and put the {College of Business Administration} on the map by having a successful career.
I am currently working as a teller at {Bank}, a job which I have now held for two years. This job has enhanced my business knowledge and allowed me to see the daily operations of the bank. I have also obtained knowledge of operations management, skills which I could use to effectively manage my accounting firm. Even though I am at the bottom of the organizational chart, I have always had interest in moving up and can use the skills I’ve acquired to contribute to the success of the MBA program. I also believe I can use my skills and knowledge to help others around me.
I graduated from {University} in August 2010 with a Bachelor of Science in Accounting, and hold an overall undergraduate GPA of 2.45, which includes a class I took at {Community College} last semester. I was diagnosed with ADHD at an early age, a disorder which followed me to college and at times was a challenge for me in my studies. However, after spending approximately four months preparing rigorously for the GMAT, I obtained a score of 680. I believe my GMAT score indicates my ability to succeed when I put maximum effort into the task at hand, which I intend to do if I am admitted into the MBA program. Also, I took a macroeconomics class last semester at {Community College} and made an A in the class, improving a deficiency on my transcript from {University}. By taking this class, not only did I improve the deficiency, but I also gained a better understanding of the subject matter.
If given the chance to study in the MBA program, I intend to use my conditional status as further motivation to succeed, and to carry that motivation over after moving to regular status. I believe my success in my class last semester and my high GMAT score are both strong indicators of my potential for success in the program. I hope to be a part of the MBA program at the {University}, and to put into it the same effort I put into the GMAT and into my recent class. I hope to put the program on the map and improve the reputation of the program with both academic success and career success."
Total word count, including words omitted for privacy: 569. Now that you have read it, how does it look? What additions and/or changes can I make to it? This is my first ever attempt at an admissions essay, so any good advice is welcome. Thanks for your help!
"I am applying to the Masters of Business Administration program at the {University} with the intention of obtaining the hours required to take the CPA exam and learning about other basic aspects of business in the process. After passing the CPA exam, I hope to one day open my own accounting firm, which will provide to clients any accounting service needed, whether it be help with taxes, running a business, or auditing services. I believe the MBA program at the {University} will be a perfect fit for me because of the diversity of the students and their willingness to accommodate my academic needs while allowing me to hold a full time job. I intend to graduate from the program with expanded knowledge of business as well as improved skills beneficial for success in the working world. I think I will be a great fit for the program because of my business knowledge and drive to succeed and put the {College of Business Administration} on the map by having a successful career.
I am currently working as a teller at {Bank}, a job which I have now held for two years. This job has enhanced my business knowledge and allowed me to see the daily operations of the bank. I have also obtained knowledge of operations management, skills which I could use to effectively manage my accounting firm. Even though I am at the bottom of the organizational chart, I have always had interest in moving up and can use the skills I’ve acquired to contribute to the success of the MBA program. I also believe I can use my skills and knowledge to help others around me.
I graduated from {University} in August 2010 with a Bachelor of Science in Accounting, and hold an overall undergraduate GPA of 2.45, which includes a class I took at {Community College} last semester. I was diagnosed with ADHD at an early age, a disorder which followed me to college and at times was a challenge for me in my studies. However, after spending approximately four months preparing rigorously for the GMAT, I obtained a score of 680. I believe my GMAT score indicates my ability to succeed when I put maximum effort into the task at hand, which I intend to do if I am admitted into the MBA program. Also, I took a macroeconomics class last semester at {Community College} and made an A in the class, improving a deficiency on my transcript from {University}. By taking this class, not only did I improve the deficiency, but I also gained a better understanding of the subject matter.
If given the chance to study in the MBA program, I intend to use my conditional status as further motivation to succeed, and to carry that motivation over after moving to regular status. I believe my success in my class last semester and my high GMAT score are both strong indicators of my potential for success in the program. I hope to be a part of the MBA program at the {University}, and to put into it the same effort I put into the GMAT and into my recent class. I hope to put the program on the map and improve the reputation of the program with both academic success and career success."
Total word count, including words omitted for privacy: 569. Now that you have read it, how does it look? What additions and/or changes can I make to it? This is my first ever attempt at an admissions essay, so any good advice is welcome. Thanks for your help!
