Hello everybody,
first of all, thanks so much for all your advices and this wonderful forum. It really helps alot while studying for this scary GMAT exam and it gives me the feeling, that I am not alone with all my worries.
Today I started studying for the AWA part and I wrote my first essay. It was very difficult to me as I am not a native speaker and furthermore I had really big problems to develop ideas.
Anyway, I would be really grateful, if you could rate my first essay and give me some tips for improvement.
Thanks a lot!
"Although the modern information age has opened up channels of communication that never before existed, it, paradoxically, has destroyed the foundation of community by isolating individuals in a technological world that involves little real human interaction."
In the age of the internet, mobile communication and Facebook some people think that although the modern information age has opened up new channels of communication it has eventually led to the isolation of individuals in a technological world. However, other people support the claim that just because of the advent of new communication technology real human interaction between certain individuals is possible. The issue is a controversial one but a closer examination reveals that new communication channels enhance human interaction and communication.
Firstly, if you compare modern communication channels to traditional communication channels such as the email to the letter, one can recognize that communication nowadays is much faster than it used to be 100 years ago. While it used to take days to weeks to communicate with somebody else in the beginning of the last century, nowadays we can send emails, which will be delivered within a second, or we can even use mobile devices to communicate with somebody right away. Hence, people can get in touch quicker and they can also organize meetings quicker. While it might have taken weeks until people were able to set up a meeting due to communication restrictions, nowadays it is much easier. Particularly the recent development in mobile devices and social media has enhanced this as people inform other people where they are at the moment and therefore giving other people the opportunity to meet with them.
Secondly, new communication channels have overcome the borders of real human communication. To illustrate, in the age of globalization friends and families are often physically parted as one part might live in another city, another country, or on another continent. In fact, in these cases without new channels of communication, communication would be very difficult and particularly in rural areas people can feel isolated if neighbors are living a few miles away. New communication channels overcome this as one can use new technologies to get in touch with other people. On one hand, this can just involve speaking to somebody else via telephone. On the other hand, one can also use video conferences via internet which resembles real human interaction as both parties can speak, listen, and gesture.
And thirdly, new communication channels can be used as a means to get to know people and will eventually lead to real human interaction. For example one can find other people via social networks sharing similar interests or hobbies. Particularly if one is shy or new to a place, these channels can help to overcome isolation and to make new friends. Hence, in these cases real human interaction would not be possible without new channels of communication.
In summary, while there are arguments to be made for both sides, it is important to note that the development of new communication channels is an ongoing process and one cannot make a final conclusion yet without having seen the results of this development after a few years. However, given the examples above one can conclude that many arguments support the idea that new communication will enhance real human interaction particularly against the background that nowadays new communication channels such as video conferences via Skype can involve more people and therefore fostering human interaction between even more people. Therefore, new communication will not eventually lead to human isolation, but to a borderless connection of many people.
first of all, thanks so much for all your advices and this wonderful forum. It really helps alot while studying for this scary GMAT exam and it gives me the feeling, that I am not alone with all my worries.
Today I started studying for the AWA part and I wrote my first essay. It was very difficult to me as I am not a native speaker and furthermore I had really big problems to develop ideas.
Anyway, I would be really grateful, if you could rate my first essay and give me some tips for improvement.
Thanks a lot!
"Although the modern information age has opened up channels of communication that never before existed, it, paradoxically, has destroyed the foundation of community by isolating individuals in a technological world that involves little real human interaction."
In the age of the internet, mobile communication and Facebook some people think that although the modern information age has opened up new channels of communication it has eventually led to the isolation of individuals in a technological world. However, other people support the claim that just because of the advent of new communication technology real human interaction between certain individuals is possible. The issue is a controversial one but a closer examination reveals that new communication channels enhance human interaction and communication.
Firstly, if you compare modern communication channels to traditional communication channels such as the email to the letter, one can recognize that communication nowadays is much faster than it used to be 100 years ago. While it used to take days to weeks to communicate with somebody else in the beginning of the last century, nowadays we can send emails, which will be delivered within a second, or we can even use mobile devices to communicate with somebody right away. Hence, people can get in touch quicker and they can also organize meetings quicker. While it might have taken weeks until people were able to set up a meeting due to communication restrictions, nowadays it is much easier. Particularly the recent development in mobile devices and social media has enhanced this as people inform other people where they are at the moment and therefore giving other people the opportunity to meet with them.
Secondly, new communication channels have overcome the borders of real human communication. To illustrate, in the age of globalization friends and families are often physically parted as one part might live in another city, another country, or on another continent. In fact, in these cases without new channels of communication, communication would be very difficult and particularly in rural areas people can feel isolated if neighbors are living a few miles away. New communication channels overcome this as one can use new technologies to get in touch with other people. On one hand, this can just involve speaking to somebody else via telephone. On the other hand, one can also use video conferences via internet which resembles real human interaction as both parties can speak, listen, and gesture.
And thirdly, new communication channels can be used as a means to get to know people and will eventually lead to real human interaction. For example one can find other people via social networks sharing similar interests or hobbies. Particularly if one is shy or new to a place, these channels can help to overcome isolation and to make new friends. Hence, in these cases real human interaction would not be possible without new channels of communication.
In summary, while there are arguments to be made for both sides, it is important to note that the development of new communication channels is an ongoing process and one cannot make a final conclusion yet without having seen the results of this development after a few years. However, given the examples above one can conclude that many arguments support the idea that new communication will enhance real human interaction particularly against the background that nowadays new communication channels such as video conferences via Skype can involve more people and therefore fostering human interaction between even more people. Therefore, new communication will not eventually lead to human isolation, but to a borderless connection of many people.
