please rate my first AWA essay, any suggestion or comments are greatly appreciated
Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for more than 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers-some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."
My Response
Although The argument that there may be another reason for the copy of the motorcycle X made by some foreign company failed to attract motorcycle X customers may be logically sound, it fails to consider the evidentiary support provided in the argument. The author turns a blind eye on the evidence provided in the argument and gives wrong conclusions for which evidentiary support is not given and which are hypothetical,
Primarily author does not agree with the reason that the copied versions do not have the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. the copied version is priced less than the original version, which should generate interest in the segments of the market who wants buy motorcycle X, but could not afford it. The copied version is very similar to the original except the loud noise made by the original. The lower interest in the copied version can be attributed to this very reason.
Secondly other cars which are similar to American made cars sell at least twice well, this shows that there is no bias against foreign made motor vehicles, Motorcycle X and the copied version being very similar in all respects except the loud engine noise in the original, this explains the lack of interest in the copied version.
And also, The advertisement of the Foreign brand focus on the sleek lines and durability of the vehicle and has voiceover or Rock music playing in the back ground instead of a roaring engine. Even though the customers of the original might understand that the vehicle is sleek and durable, The advertisement failed to attract them.
In sum, the author can better support his conclusion that there must be another reason for lack of interest in the foreign brand other than lack of loud engine noise, by providing new evidence which supports his conclusion and by removing the evidence which suggests otherwise
Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for more than 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers-some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."
My Response
Although The argument that there may be another reason for the copy of the motorcycle X made by some foreign company failed to attract motorcycle X customers may be logically sound, it fails to consider the evidentiary support provided in the argument. The author turns a blind eye on the evidence provided in the argument and gives wrong conclusions for which evidentiary support is not given and which are hypothetical,
Primarily author does not agree with the reason that the copied versions do not have the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. the copied version is priced less than the original version, which should generate interest in the segments of the market who wants buy motorcycle X, but could not afford it. The copied version is very similar to the original except the loud noise made by the original. The lower interest in the copied version can be attributed to this very reason.
Secondly other cars which are similar to American made cars sell at least twice well, this shows that there is no bias against foreign made motor vehicles, Motorcycle X and the copied version being very similar in all respects except the loud engine noise in the original, this explains the lack of interest in the copied version.
And also, The advertisement of the Foreign brand focus on the sleek lines and durability of the vehicle and has voiceover or Rock music playing in the back ground instead of a roaring engine. Even though the customers of the original might understand that the vehicle is sleek and durable, The advertisement failed to attract them.
In sum, the author can better support his conclusion that there must be another reason for lack of interest in the foreign brand other than lack of loud engine noise, by providing new evidence which supports his conclusion and by removing the evidence which suggests otherwise
