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Please rate my AWA essay - my first entry to this territory

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by Avi2crackgmat » Sat May 01, 2010 2:31 am
I have just chosen a vague topic which struck my mind. As I am slightly poor in grammar it will be great if I can have some comments to improve my build,organization and style criteria.

Lessons from Bangalore Blasts - India has failed to curb terrorist activities despite incidents and assurances in the past. Therefore tourists should stop coming to India.

Critically analyse the author's argument.


Terrorism in Asian sub- continent has always been a burning issue. Some intellectuals are of the opinion that the government across the nations has failed to curb the hostile behaviour and wish to generalise this, others pinpoint to isolated conditions and the respective nations who are the harbinger of the activities. In the preceding statement, the author claims that "Tourists should stop coming to India owing to government inability to stop the recent Bangalore blast ". Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a very poor argument based on several questionable premises and assumptions , and based solely on the evidence that the author provides we cannot accept this argument valid.


The primary issue with the author's reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises. Terrorism in India is not a new thing. However, the country every time has came out stronger with the support of the government .Besides India has witnessed and the general conception of the people changing from the terrorism being a religion centric behaviour to a group of hostile people being brainwashed . And there have been many instances where the police and local authorities were able to stop these incidents by using intelligence reports. These due to its success has not been highlighted in press, especially foreign media which doesn't mean that India is a failed state when dealing with terrorism. Tourists though cautious have continued to bless Indian tourism which can be evident with the number rising very year. Hence, the author's premise, the basis of his argument, lack any legitimate support and render his conclusion unacceptable.

In addition, the author make several assumptions which remains unproven . These blasts are not happening in a developing country whereas everywhere across the world. A fine example is the recent Moscow underground station serial blasts. Even the same can be said about the advanced countries like US and UK which are also struggling with the heinous crime despite making hush arrangements and acting sternly against organised crime after September 11 and London Tube fiasco respectively. While this has not stopped people coming to these countries, India being a big nation with hostile conditions surrounding its neighbourhood cannot remain fool proof despite all security arrangements.

Though there are several issues with the author's arguments presently, that is not to say the entire argument is baseless. India has seen many attempts in the past like the Kandahar plain hijack, the attack on Indian parliament and January Mumbai blast. After Mumbai blast, there has been lessons learnt by Singapore to New York police authorities but seems though the Indian city police arrangements still needs a wake up call to address this issues. Why there has been a lapse of surveillance in Bangalore where an important IPL match was about to be played , why CCTV cameras where not installed, what were the contingency plans doing , and why adequate facilities were not installed are some of the pertinent questions that remain unanswered. This definitely affects tourism resulting some country embassies' issuing an advisory notice and highlights the fact that the author argument at present can be improved with proper reasoning.

In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and assumptions and renders his conclusion invalid. Though the author arguments do raise key issues but if the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds on this issue, he would have to restructure his argument, fix the flaws in the logic and explicate his assumptions. Without these few will be convinced.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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