GMAT Essays (AWA)

Dear All,

It would be highly appreciated if you kindly spend some time to read my writing and show the flaws or suggest the scope of improvements.

Cheers.


Question:

"Over time, the costs of processing go down as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3 by 5 inch print fell from 50 cents for five day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits."

Answer:

This argument states that as organizations have already learned how to do things better and as a result film processing organizations reduced their time and cost significantly and foods processing companies can apply those techniques and maximize their profit by cutting down their costs. This conclusion is the base on the assumption that as film processing organizations could reduce their costs and boost up their profit, foods processing companies would be able to do so. However, there are several assumptions that may necessarily apply to this argument. For example, functions of the film processing industries are completely different from the food processing industries. Also, one must look at the elements that have been using to develop the films and prepare the food as film industry is based on technology and food industry is based on agriculture or poultry livestock. And finally, it is not necessary that if one industry does well in terms of profit maximization other industries will also do better in the same economy.

The first issue need to be addressed is that if one industry changes its strategies and earns more profit then it is not necessary that other companies will also follow the same path. As it is stated in the first paragraph that film industry is based on technology and in the era of 21st century technology has been upgraded almost each and every day. Technology brings the efficiency in each and every sector where it has been used. For example, previously people use the film role which contains 36 photographs and it was a time consuming and complex process to print the photographs. But now due to the blessing of technology through digital camera people can easily see the photographs in their camera or computer, even they can just take out the micro chip and get the print copy in instant. As a result no one needs to buy a film role or battery, just to take the role to the studio, pay the bill and see the moments that have been captured the digital camera.

On the other hand, food industry is more sophisticated as its need to use the fresh and healthy ingredients to process the foods and within a definite time frame foods have to sell out. As we are aware of the facts that due to the climate change, many countries are suffering from floods or droughts and as a result they could not produce as much foods as they require. Another important fact is that increasing population across the world is quite alarming whereas the lands remain constrained. As a result the foods price significantly increased in last decade because of the imbalance of demand and supply in the economy. Conversely, the prices of technologies are reduced as organizations have been investing huge amount of money in research and development project to improve the technologies faster and efficient through innovation. However, it becomes very difficult for the foods processing industries to minimize the cost of ingredients due to that natural and manmade crisis.

Finally, one must realize the fact that foods industries cannot store their products as foods are perishable. Usually foods industries are committed to supply the fresh, delicious and healthy foods to the people as foods contain energy, protein, vitamins, and minerals etc. which help and keep the people to have a good and healthy life. In this aspect, if the ingredients quality of the foods are not up to the mark or expired then it could be very harmful for the people's health, which is more sensitive issues. Conversely, if a digital camera is not working properly or has some problems it can be repair but if the food is unhealthy then it can be life threading. In other words, it would be difficult for the foods processing industries to keep their cost below due the above discussed issue but for technology based industries it would not be difficult to cut the cost down due the blessing of science.

In sum, while at first it may seem that Olympic foods can adopt the strategies of the film processing industries and maximize their profit by reducing the costs and increasing the efficiency, sometimes it does not work in a same pattern. Furthermore, film industries and foods processing industries not alike as their functions, ingredients and technology are completely different from each other. More analysis must be conducted such as production cost of the ingredients, preserving systems, friendly and upgraded technologies, social and economical system and consumer behaviour to determine the strategies. Before any decision is made, all this things must be considered, not simply to follow the strategies of the film processing organization as foods and films are absolutely two different industries.

This argument states that as organizations have already learned how to do things better and as a result film processing organizations reduced their time and cost significantly and foods processing companies can apply those techniques and maximize their profit by cutting down their costs. This conclusion is the base on the assumption that as film processing organizations could reduce their costs and boost up their profit, foods processing companies would be able to do so.

Also, one must look at the elements that have been using to develop the films and prepare the food as film industry is based on technology and food industry is based on agriculture or poultry livestock. And finally, it is not necessary that if one industry does well in terms of profit maximization other industries will also do better in the same economy.


- Use of And many times,
- tenses
- structure of sentences, and wordy,

I am not an expert, but these are flaws which I found, please re-read your argument, correct me if I am wrong.

Dear itsmebharat,

Thanks a lot for the reply. Yes! I have found it very helpful, indeed. I will try to avoid those mistakes in my next writing.

Cheers.