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Please rate my Analysis of an Issue Essay

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by djseomun » Sat May 16, 2009 2:51 pm
“The best way to give advice to other people is to find out what they want and then advise them how to attain it.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion expressed above. Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.


I agree with the opinion only to the extent that “best” refers to the maximization of short-term happiness. People are happy when their wants are satisfied. It follows that they will hold in high esteem anyone who can help them achieve their wants. However, in the long run, maximization of short-term happiness may have severe consequences. If wants in the form of destructive behavior are reinforced, then giving advice on how to continue these vices is counter-productive. For these reasons, I believe that the best way to give advice to other people must take into account both the short and the long run.

A want is anything nonessential that a person does not currently have but would like to have. Clearly, upon attaining the want, that person will be happy. It makes sense that if a person’s want is determined, then advising him on how to obtain his want will make it more likely that he will actually obtain it and thus be thankful for the advice. Given that this method helps people attain their wants and makes them happier, how can it not be the best way to give advice?

Surely, if advising people on how to attain their wants led to the reinforcement of destructive behavior, then the method would be very poor. Advising a drug addict on where to obtain his next fix can make him satisfied in the short run, but in the long run, it can easily lead to his death. Thus, figuring out a person’s wants and advising him on how to attain it is good only if we are solely focusing on the short run.

In sum, although promoting destructive habits might result in temporary utility, overall, it harms far more than it helps. The best way to give advice to other people must take into account the long-term consequences of attaining wants.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by myohmy » Sat May 16, 2009 6:09 pm
Great and well used vocabulary and overall good structure although your thesis is slightly convoluted for the length/scope of your argument. It's well written and well structured.

The major issue, however, is that the only example you have is "Advising a drug addict on where to obtain his next fix can make him satisfied in the short run, but in the long run, it can easily lead to his D€@th." Unlike argument essays, issue essay scores hinge on the specificity and relevance of your examples. The preceding example is too hypothetical and not real world enough.

Ideally, you should have one real-world example for every point that you make. Each of your two main points should have examples from your own life, history, literature, etc. Ideally, I would throw in at least one more point since your second paragraph seems to be an extension of your thesis rather than a full statement on why you disagree with the argument.

I'd give you a 3.5, but with more examples, it would definitely bump up to 5.
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