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My first essay, please tell me what you think abou it

Expert replies
by DBushkalov » Tue Mar 26, 2013 4:49 am
Hi guys, a BIG THANK YOU in advance, because I know that it is not necessarily pleasant to read someone else's essay. So... what do you think?

TOPIC: The following appeared in a report presented for discussion at a meeting of the directors of a company that manufactures parts for heavy machinery:
"The falling revenues that the company is experiencing coincide with delays in manufacturing. These delays, in turn, are due in large part to poor planning in purchasing metals. Consider further that the manager of the department that handles purchasing of raw materials has an excellent background in general business, psychology, and sociology, but knows little aboutthe properties of metals. The company should, therefore, move the purchasing managerto the sales department and bring in a scientist from the research division to be manager of the purchasing department."


My response:

In the argument above, the author proposes to hire a scientist from the research and development department to replace the current manager responsible for purchasing metals. However, the plan is fundamentally wrong, in that the evidence provided fails to support the author's claim.
First, it is assumed that the recent decline in revenues is caused by delays in the manufacturing process. Although reasonable, this statement does not provide a sound base on which to draw a conclusion. There could be many other reasons that lead to a decline in the revenues of the company, such as new competitors on the market, a loss of an important customer, or a decrease in the produced quantity due to machine failure or sick personnel. Thus, the author should perform further research to find out if other internal or external factors for the enterprise are not the reason for lower revenues recently.
Second, the author assumes that the poor planning in purchasing metals is solely caused by the manager's lack of knowledge about the properties of metals. This may sound like a logical statement, but in order to draw a sound conclusion based on this assumption, it is necessary to provide further information on this topic. For example, the poor planning, and thus the delays, may be caused by external factors that are not under the control of any sales manager. Maybe the supplier is not a reliable one in general or has suffered some kind of problems recently. Maybe the strategy that the manager applies is efficient and effective, but is not executed in the right way by his subordinates. Therefore, in order to better evaluate the argument, it is necessary that the author conducts further analysis as if the knowledge about properties of metals plays a key role in the purchasing process.
Finally, the argument does not account for the skills and will of the people involved in the process. What if the sales manager does not wish to leave his position or the scientist from the research and development department has no interest in a manager position. Maybe the switch in their positions will lower their motivation or even cause some heated discussions within the company. Also, it is unknown if the scientist will have the skills necessary to conduct the whole purchasing process successfully. For example, he may have superior knowledge about the properties of metals, but very poor negotiation skills, something that may lead to bad decisions in the purchasing process. Therefore, unless a clearer picture is painted about the will and skills of the people involved in the process, no sound conclusion can be drawn.
To conclude, the argument provides a solution to a problem, but this solution is based upon questionable assumptions and faulty use of evidence. The author takes for granted that the recent delays in the manufacturing process are the only reason for the decline in revenues, and that the the purchasing manager's lack of scientific skills leads to bad planning in the whole purchasing process. Furthermore the argument fails to account for the skills and will of the people that will be involved in the proposed plan for improvement.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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