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Feedback please

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giachernyak Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
26 Oct 2016
Posted:
1 messages

Feedback please

Post Wed Oct 26, 2016 10:41 am
I have just begun studying for the GMAT. This is my first attempt at the AWA. Any feedback would be very helpful.

Thank you
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donnaprimadonna Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
29 Nov 2016
Posted:
4 messages
Post Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:12 am
I think your essay has a good structure and logical statements but there was a part of sentence at the end "current economic needs." that was unnecessary in the essay. And I was a little bit confused by this part "Because the argument leaves out critical data needed to help corporations make sound..." I think you need to re-write it to make it sound more natural.
Great job otherwise!

_________________
A creative manager at rewrite example.

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