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Essay feedback please...

Expert replies
by gilm » Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:23 am
This essay is with no editting time at all and right on the second....
How would you grade it as is?

thx!!!!!!


The following appeared in a newspaper editorial:
"The claims of some politicians that we are on the brink of an energy crisis are misguided. We have enough oil in reserve to see us through any production shortage and the supply of in-ground oil is in no danger of running out any time soon. There is thus no need to set aside the technology and infrastructure of a century of oil-based energy."

YOUR RESPONSE:
The claim that we have no need to set aside technology and infrastructure of a century of oil-based energy because politicians are wrong and we are not the brink of an energy crisis, and we are in no danger of a short run shortage is not well substantiated. When viewing energy supply, we do not look only at near term. It is important to be a few steps ahead. Oil shortage is not the only reason to predict an energy crisis; the political standings of oil producing countries with the major consumers is one reason and global warming is another.

The relationships of the major oil producing countries with the world (consumers) are imperative for determining the flow of oil. Evidently, the countries responsible for supplying most of the oil to the world are Middle-Eastern (ME) countries - these countries are known to be in conflict with the western world. Therefore, the supply of oil from these countries is subject to ups and downs that are directly correlated to the political zeitgeist. Further, this places too much power in countries that have a poor record of using power responsibly. For example, oil prices are known to fluctuate with the prediction of short term oil supply from the ME, which in turn, influences the spending dollars available for everyday consumers.

The price consideration is directly related to the next point - in a world of growing awareness with respect to global warming, green energy and alternative energy sources, the wise thing to do when predicting the next crisis is to forecast energy availability and price. Currently, industrial plants have limits on carbon emission (or pollution "allowance") and they are fined for exceeding the limit. At some point in the future, not necessarily the near term, limit may reach the average consumer and hurt the daily life quality, driving a car, hence, mobility. Being one step ahead, and looking for an alternative energy source, which environmentally friendly and economical, is cheaper and safer in the long term.

To sum up, even if we assume that a resource is unlimitedly available, it does not mean that we can keep using it. There are many factors that can lead to an energy crisis and the ability to predict and prepare for it keeps us one step ahead in the game. And, reduces the dependability of oil supply from unfriendly countries and also reduces carbon emissions.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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