GMAT Essays (AWA)

please anyone review my earlier two argumentative essays actually i posted it wrong and please anyone guide me through the points i need to cover in my topics particularly issue essay like this one.
AWA ESSAYS: Analyze Issues
ESSAY QUESTION:
An author once wrote that "The invention of the telephone prevents us from appreciating the distance between us." Today this is even more true as the rise of the Internet has enabled inexpensive global communication.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The argument that invention of telephone prevents us form appreciating the distance between us is a controversial one.many people are of the view that telephone has been a hindrance in appreciating the distance between us.On the other hand some people feel that the invention of telephone is a boon for us and with the changing times internet has also been useful to us.Through reasoned argument and analysis, i will present a clear perspective on the issue refuting the former statement and supporting the latter statement.
To begin with,since time immemorials communication has been a major problem for people situated in far countries.With the invention of telephone distance have been shortened and people are able to communicate with their near and dear ones.Thus a more personal touch has been added and this has improved relations between families.Earlier people used to communicate through letters and it took a long time for the letter to reach its destination.Thus any important news to be conveyed was left useless.For instance in past people used to inform other people regarding various occasions to be held in family and the letter used to reach after the occasion.
Next,telephone and internet have also improved trade relations among various enterprises and individuals situated in various countries.Today people make business transactions from phone and the order is confirmed.internet has also proved a boon to people.People situated anywhere can search or browse for any information via internet.Any commodity can be purchased various shopping portals such as E-bay,amazon.com and flipkart.
Conversely,before the introduction of telephone and internet people had to travel a lot for sending their goods to various places and communication was a major hindrance.Telephone has bridged the communication gap between people.
However,in the final analysis i believe that no one can imagine world without telephone as this device has become a part and parcel of our life.Telephone and internet are less costly medium for communication with people and therefore people who argue that the invention of telephone prevents us from appreciating the distance between us should look at the above reasons.Telephone and internet have proved a boon to us and anyone opposing this should have a careful study regarding the points mentioned above.