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Would you like to review my AWA Essay? Thank you!!!

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Christian Krause Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
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Would you like to review my AWA Essay? Thank you!!!

Post Thu Oct 06, 2016 2:39 am
This AWA prompt is from the official GMAT Prep Test Sotware, Exam #1:

The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper:
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers - some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice.over or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."


Here is my AWA Essay to evaluate the argument:

]In the argument, the authors tries to falsify the claim of some people that the success of motorcycle X, as opposed to copies from foreign manufacturers, is due to its exceptionally loud engine sound. The argument is flawed since the author draws his conclusion based on an inaccurate analogy as well as a seemingly wrong cause-and effect relationship.
First, the author picks the example of American-made and foreign cars and assumes that the same must be correct for U.S. and foreign motorcycles. However, this analogy is not proven by any means. There may be a lot of differences between the supply and demand or the customer behavior between these two different goods. Whatever may be true for cars does not necessarily have to be true for motorcycles.
Second, the author uses an inaccurate cause-and-effect relationship. He or she describes that the engine sound, as one feature of the motorcycle, is not highlighted in TV commercials and therefore cannot be demanded by customers. This appears to be incorrect. Whatever is highlighted in TV ads does not actually have to be what customers are looking for. Perhaps customer are looking for something that marketers have yet failed to recognize or address. In this argument, the content of commercials is described to completely match consumer needs, which is somewhat of an unjustified assumption. In addition, the fact that music and voice-overs play a major role in those ads does not necessarily put less value on the engine sound of the motorcycle.
In order to strengthen the argument, the author should consider providing more information about the similarity between the markets of cars and motorcycles in the U.S. and foreign countries. Moreover, the author should attempt to find stronger evidence besides TV commercials. For example, he or she could examine the actual needs of consumers in terms of what features of a motorcycle are most appreciated. It could also be useful to have a look on other U.S. motorcycle brands to determine what their success is based on.[/i]


Thank you very much for reading! Any feedback, critique or improvement suggestions are highly appreciated!!!

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na94 Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
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Post Thu Oct 06, 2016 4:03 am
I think it has all the information needed. your analogy is top-notch. your ideas are clearly stated.
i think the only thing missing is a conclusion. bravo!

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