Feedback please

[giachernyak]

I have just begun studying for the GMAT. This is my first attempt at the AWA. Any feedback would be very helpful.

Thank you

[donnaprimadonna]

I think your essay has a good structure and logical statements but there was a part of sentence at the end "current economic needs." that was unnecessary in the essay. And I was a little bit confused by this part "Because the argument leaves out critical data needed to help corporations make sound..." I think you need to re-write it to make it sound more natural.
Great job otherwise!