Rate my essay: Greatness of Achievements

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Rate my essay: Greatness of Achievements

by hitchhiker » Mon Nov 22, 2010 7:20 pm
When someone achieves greatness in any field - such as the arts, science, politics, or business - that person's achievements are more important than any of his or her personal faults

In the Indian epic of Maha Bharata, there is a warrior prince called Karna who is second to none in the field of archery. Except for an equal by the name Arjuna, there is no one who can dare stand in a duel with Karna. He is also a gem of a person who doesn't say 'no' to any request even if it means cutting off some part of his body. However, such great person has one weakness, which is his choice of friends. The company of his evil friends and their wicked schemes lead him to war with peace loving Arjuna and eventually his downfall and death. A seemingly simple fault of choosing bad company and not being able to say 'no' to their evil schemes, lead a great warrior to lose his number one place on the podium of heroes. He is not seen worth emulating though he has all the qualities of a great war hero.

In the contemporary sports history there is once invincible Mike Tyson, who is now destined to casual reference and that too probably for his notoriety. It is unbelievable that this prodigy was peerless for some years (or months?) when he came to limelight initially. Eventually, drug addiction, unpardonable sexual violations and lead to his downfall with a thud as loud as the cheers he had received in his days of high.

Greatness in any field is worth the praise. By achieving greatness they extend and enrich their field of expertise. But this greatness is a mere bubble in soap water without impeccable personality to match the greatness in their field. Examples abound where greatness achieved in one field is totally annihilated due to moral weakness and any such personal faults. Such failed geniuses are restricted to dark corners of history, without a follower to take their inspiration. The young world needs achievers who are worth emulating and not those who show 'How to lose all greatness by avoidable personal faults'.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by Isaac@EconomistGMAT » Wed Nov 24, 2010 3:00 pm
You need to put in a proper introduction - paraphrase the topic in 1 or 2 sentences and present your opinion (as the last sentence in the intro)

Only then do you go into the Body paragraphs (about the Indian Epic and Mike Tyson). Generally your examples are fine, especially the first one, but in using a purely 'example' essay, the max mark you can expect is around the 4-4.5 grade.

If you want to boost your grade:

Give a 2 to 3 sentence Introductory paragraph.

Instead of starting with examples in the next two paragraphs, start with a reason for your opinion (1 sentence why you agree or disagree), followed by an explanation (1 or 2 sentences), and finally the example.

Your conclusion can also be cut down quite a bit. Try no more than 2 sentences for your conclusion.

There are some grammatical/English usage errors as well so be careful with those.

Hope this helps!
Isaac Bettan
Academic Director
Master GMAT
https://econgm.at/EconomistGMAT
[youtube]QBNZczg84tU[/youtube]

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