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Please Rate my Issue Essay, Its been my concern for few days

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Please Rate my Issue Essay, Its been my concern for few days

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Children today have an unprecedented number of options when it comes to entertainment. Since no parent can be aware of all of these options, it falls to the entertainment media to ensure that their content is suitable for young consumers."
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

Entertainment industry has had a huge metamorphosis over the centuries and it caters separately to the needs of each segment of the society. It has a huge role to play in an individuals life, As a child, when you are in the learning phase the implications of the entertainment media are even more severe as it does play a role in shaping the interests of children as they grow up. Hence there is an underling a debate on whether the media should take up the responsibility or it should be taken up by parents. My viewpoint extends to the later half and it has to be the initiative of parents to ensure that their children aware of the media implications.
Main reason for keeping the parents active in this is that they are the ones who are in the vicinity of children and they can definitely keep a tab of whatever is accessible to their children. For eg: The internet access to children is always the universal debate issue as everything under the sun is available online. Children can fall prey to trafficking or can even access adult websites. The media cannot virtually monitor this, instead the parents who provide the access can surely do. The same facility is available on Child lock features of television set where the parent can again keep a vigil.
Another reason extends to the fact that even if media options are numerable and they play their role in offering everything possible right from science based mediums to the age old cartoons, the child can be imparted with basic ethics and also etiquettes. He/she can be made to learn history or culture significance by the World history channels etc where coupled with entertainment the child ends up learning stuff, if the parents ensures that their kids are in vicinity of these entertainment plus learning programmes, it will benefit the children too.
Further on, when its human nature to shed off responsibilities and not take ownership, similar is the case here as parents would throw it open on the available options beyond there capacity to moderate can sometimes overlook the possibilities that the exercise of control or vigilance is in their hand. For eg: The parent can keep a tab on the kind of movies his child can watch or keep a track of the magazines his friends end up discussing about etc.
In sum, blaming external influence in not being able to owe up to responsibilities is not a good approach and I strongly support the same. Media no matter what does its role of entertaining and too much of anything or uncontrolled usage is any day worse, hence if the parent can make his child equipped to distinguish these the best of both worlds can be obtained.

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nairswapna15@gmail.com wrote:
Children today have an unprecedented number of options when it comes to entertainment. Since no parent can be aware of all of these options, it falls to the entertainment media to ensure that their content is suitable for young consumers."
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

Entertainment industry has had a huge metamorphosis over the centuries and it caters separately to the needs of each segment of the society. It has a huge role to play in an individual's life, As a child, when you are in the learning phase the implications of the entertainment media are even more severe as it does play a role in shaping the interests of children as they grow up. Hence there is an underlying a debate on whether the media should take up the responsibility or it should be taken up by parents. My viewpoint extends to the latter half and it has to be the initiative of parents to ensure that their children are aware of the media implications.
Main reason for keeping the parents active in this(I don't think it is good to use pronoun without a referent in the first line of a fresh paragraph) is that they are the ones who are in the vicinity of children and they can definitely keep a tab of whatever is accessible to their children. For eg(I guess it is better to write for example.Avoid abbreviations): The internet access to children is always the universal debate issue as everything under the sun is available online. Children can fall prey to trafficking or can even access adult websites. The media cannot virtually monitor this,; instead the parents who provide the access can surely do. The same facility is available on Child lock features of television set where the parent can again keep a vigil.
Another reason extends to the fact that even if media options are numerable and they play their role in offering everything possible right from science based mediums to the age old cartoons, the child can be imparted with basic ethics and also etiquettes. He/she can be made to learn history or culture significance by the World history channels etc where(where is used for places i guess. I guess you need to edit this whole sentence) coupled with entertainment the child ends up learning stuff, if the parents ensures that their kids are in vicinity of these entertainment plus learning programmes, it will benefit the children too.
Further on, when its(use it's or it is. its is possessive) human nature to shed off responsibilities and not take ownership, similar is the case here as parents would throw it open on the available options beyond there(their) capacity to moderate can sometimes overlook the possibilities that the exercise of control or vigilance is in their hand. For eg: The parent can keep a tab on the kind of movies his child can watch or keep a track of the magazines his friends end up discussing about etc.
In sum, blaming external influence in not being able to owe up to responsibilities is not a good approach and I strongly support the same. Media no matter what does its role of entertaining and too much of anything or uncontrolled usage is any day worse,. Hence if the parent can make his child equipped to distinguish these(I think it is preferable to add some noun form after these) the best of both worlds can be obtained.
Hi,
I remember I promised you to check your issue essay. Sorry, I forgot about that. I think structure of your essay is fine. Check for the minor corrections I made. If you feel some of them are unconvincing, discuss them with an expert. Please check the colored text. I guess it need to be modified. I think you are doing quite good although I am not qualified enough to evaluate. Just make sure, you have at least 2-3 mins at the end to check spelling mistakes.

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Things are not what they appear to be... nor are they otherwise

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Hi thanks again..

I am not that convinced with my examples here do you think they did a justice to my viewpoint?
Also keeping the structure in mind it taking me more time to frame one..

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Hi,
If you can refer few essays, you might be able to think about example pretty fast. Use simpler sentences so that you will get time to complete your essay in time.

http://www.beatthegmat.com/mba/2010/03/08/13-sentences-to-glory-the-gmat-analytical-writing-assessment-part-2-issue-essay

If you want to have a quick look into sample essays, you can find the attachment at:
http://www.beatthegmat.com/please-rate-my-essays-t84586.html
Scroll down about 10 post, you will find it. Always keep e-rater in mind. You don't need to give a thorough analysis.

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Things are not what they appear to be... nor are they otherwise

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