GMAT Essays (AWA)

Thank you.

Andrea8888, I'd be happy to take a look at one of your essays and provide some feedback, but it's a lot easier for me if you cut and paste each essay in its entirety into a separate forum post. If you don't mind doing that, I can give you notes on one of them. Thanks!

Hi Grockit_andrea, I will copy and paste them in a separate forum post tonight. Thank you for taking a look at them. A

grockit_andrea wrote:Andrea8888, I'd be happy to take a look at one of your essays and provide some feedback, but it's a lot easier for me if you cut and paste each essay in its entirety into a separate forum post. If you don't mind doing that, I can give you notes on one of them. Thanks!

"In some countries TV and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language and behavior. In other countries, there is little or no censorship"

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I believe that countries should carefully censor TV and radio programs for offensive language and behavior as it is important to give parents guidelines for themselves and their children and prevent children from watching or listening to programs that may have a negative impact on them.

Firstly, parents and people in general are not omniscent and therefore they cannot materially know the content of every program. For example, in developed countries, broadcasters and studios produce content like bread for breadmakers. It is quite unlikely that people know in advance what they are going to watch or listen to. Therefore, some censorship act as a filter avoiding unnecessary exposure to inappropriate content.

Secondly, children learn quickly how to turn on the radio or to switch channels on TV and parents are not with them all day long. For example, television and radio are used in modern economies to entertain children. Adults may or may not be with them. Careful censorship acts like a parental control mechanism on broadcasted programs and avoids potentially damaging effects on childrens.

Finally, some level of censorship does not prevent people who want to be exposed to such offensive language and behaviour to do so. In fact, such content is available on CDs and other media, like cable channels or internet websites. Therefore, they have the freedom while being aware of the type of content they choose.

In sum, countries should carefully censor TV as proliferation of content makes people not necessarily aware of the type of language and behaviour they will be exposed to. Also, children should be shielded from the negative effects of bad content. Freedom is not limited as the very same content that is censored for broadcasting on TV and radio, while it is available on other media.

"Over time the cost of processsing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. IN color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5 inch print fell from 50 cents for 5-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for 1-day services in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olumpic foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimze costs and thus maximize profits".

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Economic theory is broad as professors, students, consultants and business people have been doing research for so long. But, when it comes to business analysis, it all comes down to two important metrics: costs and profits. In the preceding statement, Olympic Foods sends a positive message to its shareholders by claiming the company expects to minimize costs and maximize profits on the back of its almost 25 year experience in the food processing business. Though its claim may well have merit, the company presents a poorly resoned argument, based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and, based solely on the evidence the company offers, we cannot accept its argument as valid.

The primary issue with the company's statement lies in its unsubstantiated premises. Olympic Foods extrapolates from the color film processing business a trend toward lower cost that should supports the expected evolution of its food business. The former and the latter businesses are quite different and are exposed to different dynamics. In fact, film processing is a consumer discretionary business where technology advancements and hard commodities costs are the main profit drivers. On the contrary, food processing is a consumer staple business where cost of soft commodities and distribution are critical factors. Therefore, Olympic Food's premise, lack evidentiary support and render its conclusion unacceptable.

In addition, the company makes several assumptions that remain unproven. For example, although it is correct to assume that almost 25 years of experience in the food business may give the company enough knowledge of that business, it is also worth noting that experience may also limit innovation and, in turn, hindered the ability of the company to adapt its strategy to new market dynamics and lead to lower margins. Furthermore, cost minimization is not per se a good thing. Investments are important to grow market share and, although they may result in higher costs in the short term, they benefit margin in the long term through market share gains and more efficient production.

Though there are several issues in the company statement, with research and clarification, it could be improved significantly. Such as, a more appropriate premise, and a reference to both their short term and long term profit/cost strategy. Finally, strategy and competition should be mentioned, too.

In sum, the company's illogical argumant is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render its conclusion invalid. If the company truly wants to change its readers'minds, it would have to largely restructure its argument, fix the flaws in its logic, clearly explicate its assumptions, and provide evidentiary support.

"Every'person who earned an advanced degree in science or engineering from Olympus University last year received numerous offers of excellent jobs. Typically, many graduates of Plateau Collage have gone on to pursue advanced degrees at Olympus. Therefore, enrolling an an undergraduate at Plateau Collage is a wise choice or students who wish to ensure success in their careers"

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Choosing among undergraduate schools is not easy for both students and parents as they try to maximize the ratio between future jobs and tuition fees. Although there is correlation between good schools and good jobs, Plateau Collage's argument is unconvincing as premises and assumptions are weak, making its argument flawed in many respects. In fact, Plateau Collage teases their prospective student by stating that the school should be choosen as it ensures success in their students'careers as last year results from Olympus shows.

As far as premises are concerned, Plateau Collage does not give information about the number of undergraduates who were admitted to Olympus university. Therefore the reader does not know, for example, if Olympus University has admission tests. In this case, the "excellent jobs" would be the result of the careful selection from Olympus university rather than the result of a strong teaching stuff and education program at Plateau Collage. Furthermore, Plateau Collage base their premises on a single year observation ("last year"). It is hard to draw a conclusion from a data that may have been the exception.

As for assumptions, Plateau Collage assumes "excellent jobs" are the result of good training from its Collage. Therefore, they take for granted that the teaching staff is outstanding and that training at Plateau is very good. But, it could be that their talented students where able to offset weaknesses in its study curriculum or a lack of quality in the education process. In addition, they assume that students choose the undergraduate school based on jobs only, while, indeed, other factors are important, like the school organization, location and courses.

Plateau Collage may strengthen its argument by providing a comprehensive analysis of the career path of all its graduate students, details about the students'satisfaction level and a description of the teaching staff quality and turnover. Without such information, it is hard to find the argument persuasive and it may have the opposite effect of attracting untallented students, negatively affecting the allegged Plateau Colage good results and reputation.

Your essay is well-organized, and your general approach is correct in terms of identifying and addressing the flaws in the argument. You have a strong vocabulary, too. I'd suggest saving some time at the end for proofreading, as you had a pattern of errors that I think could have been caught with some editing (grammar and spelling/typos). I think I would have liked to see more emphasis on the argument itself, and less on the issue of Olympic Foods' strategy, in the third paragraph, and the fourth paragraph could have been better used pointing out an additional flaw rather than briefly mentioning things to improve. But overall, this was a solid essay; I'd give it a 5.

andrea8888 wrote:"Over time the cost of processsing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. IN color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5 inch print fell from 50 cents for 5-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for 1-day services in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olumpic foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimze costs and thus maximize profits".

---------------------------

Economic theory is broad as professors, students, consultants and business people have been doing research for so long. But, when it comes to business analysis, it all comes down to two important metrics: costs and profits. In the preceding statement, Olympic Foods sends a positive message to its shareholders by claiming the company expects to minimize costs and maximize profits on the back of its almost 25 year experience in the food processing business. Though its claim may well have merit, the company presents a poorly resoned argument, based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and, based solely on the evidence the company offers, we cannot accept its argument as valid.

The primary issue with the company's statement lies in its unsubstantiated premises. Olympic Foods extrapolates from the color film processing business a trend toward lower cost that should supports the expected evolution of its food business. The former and the latter businesses are quite different and are exposed to different dynamics. In fact, film processing is a consumer discretionary business where technology advancements and hard commodities costs are the main profit drivers. On the contrary, food processing is a consumer staple business where cost of soft commodities and distribution are critical factors. Therefore, Olympic Food's premise, lack evidentiary support and render its conclusion unacceptable.

In addition, the company makes several assumptions that remain unproven. For example, although it is correct to assume that almost 25 years of experience in the food business may give the company enough knowledge of that business, it is also worth noting that experience may also limit innovation and, in turn, hindered the ability of the company to adapt its strategy to new market dynamics and lead to lower margins. Furthermore, cost minimization is not per se a good thing. Investments are important to grow market share and, although they may result in higher costs in the short term, they benefit margin in the long term through market share gains and more efficient production.

Though there are several issues in the company statement, with research and clarification, it could be improved significantly. Such as, a more appropriate premise, and a reference to both their short term and long term profit/cost strategy. Finally, strategy and competition should be mentioned, too.

In sum, the company's illogical argumant is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render its conclusion invalid. If the company truly wants to change its readers'minds, it would have to largely restructure its argument, fix the flaws in its logic, clearly explicate its assumptions, and provide evidentiary support.