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jangojess
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Hi,
Can someone please provide a feedback for this essay???
The following appeared in a letter to prospective students from the admissions office at Plateau College.
"Every person who earned an advanced degree in science or engineering from Olympus University last year received numerous offers of excellent jobs. Typically, many of the Plateau College graduates who want to pursue an advanced degree have gone on to Olympus. Therefore, enrolling as an undergraduate at Plateau College is a wise choice for students who wish to ensure success in their careers."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . Etc.
The statement from the admission office at Plateau College that enrolling at Plauteu College guarantees success in one's career lacks credibility. The evidence provided in the argument may or may not be true but it is not sufficient enough for the admission office to make such a strong conclusion. I feel that the argument is seriously flawed because of three major reasons.
First, the argument fails to show a relation between enrollment in Plateau College and an assurance for success in career. It is mentioned that typically an undergraduate pursues an advanced degree from Olympus University. This does not mean that every person securing an admission in Plateau College as an undergraduate would definitely earn an advance degree from Olympus University. However, any data showing that all undergraduates in Plateau College would definitely secure an advanced degree from Olympus University would eliminate this flaw.
Second, the argument fails to present consistency in success rate for graduates from Olympus College. In the argument we do have only the last year's job offer rate from Olympus University. This does not mean that the same situation prevailed for past few years and whether the same would prevail this year. Moreover, the excellent job offers were for those who earned an advanced degree in engineering or science. Other undergraduate courses may not have the same job oppurunities. The flaw can be eliminated if an evidence showing that all the undergraduates will secure a success in career by joining Plateau College is presented.
Finally, the argument assumes that success in the career is the only factor that an undergraduate considers while choosing a college. A person would look for other factors such as cost, facilites available, quality of the course while choosing a college. An evidence showing that other factors are least concern for person while choosing a college will nullify this flaw.
In sum, I think that the school admission's statement is not fully agreeable. The conclusion can be strengthened if any of the aforementioned flaws can be eliminated or a stronger and more convincing evidence is presented.
Can someone please provide a feedback for this essay???
The following appeared in a letter to prospective students from the admissions office at Plateau College.
"Every person who earned an advanced degree in science or engineering from Olympus University last year received numerous offers of excellent jobs. Typically, many of the Plateau College graduates who want to pursue an advanced degree have gone on to Olympus. Therefore, enrolling as an undergraduate at Plateau College is a wise choice for students who wish to ensure success in their careers."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . Etc.
The statement from the admission office at Plateau College that enrolling at Plauteu College guarantees success in one's career lacks credibility. The evidence provided in the argument may or may not be true but it is not sufficient enough for the admission office to make such a strong conclusion. I feel that the argument is seriously flawed because of three major reasons.
First, the argument fails to show a relation between enrollment in Plateau College and an assurance for success in career. It is mentioned that typically an undergraduate pursues an advanced degree from Olympus University. This does not mean that every person securing an admission in Plateau College as an undergraduate would definitely earn an advance degree from Olympus University. However, any data showing that all undergraduates in Plateau College would definitely secure an advanced degree from Olympus University would eliminate this flaw.
Second, the argument fails to present consistency in success rate for graduates from Olympus College. In the argument we do have only the last year's job offer rate from Olympus University. This does not mean that the same situation prevailed for past few years and whether the same would prevail this year. Moreover, the excellent job offers were for those who earned an advanced degree in engineering or science. Other undergraduate courses may not have the same job oppurunities. The flaw can be eliminated if an evidence showing that all the undergraduates will secure a success in career by joining Plateau College is presented.
Finally, the argument assumes that success in the career is the only factor that an undergraduate considers while choosing a college. A person would look for other factors such as cost, facilites available, quality of the course while choosing a college. An evidence showing that other factors are least concern for person while choosing a college will nullify this flaw.
In sum, I think that the school admission's statement is not fully agreeable. The conclusion can be strengthened if any of the aforementioned flaws can be eliminated or a stronger and more convincing evidence is presented.
Trying hard!!!
