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Can an expert please review my essay? GMAT in 10 days!

This topic has 1 expert reply and 7 member replies

Can an expert please review my essay? GMAT in 10 days!

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PROMPT

The following appeared as part of an article in the travel section of a newspaper."Over the past decade, the restaurant industry in the country of Spiessa has experienced unprecedented growth. This surge can be expected to continue in the coming years, fueled by recent social changes: personal incomes are rising, more leisure time is available, single-person households are more common, and people have a greater interest in gourmet food, as evidenced by a proliferation of publications on the subject."

In a recent article in the travel section of a newspaper, the author argues that because the restaurant industry in the country of Spiessa has experienced an unheard of growth, it can be concluded that it was due to recent social changes. This argument is weak seeing that just because over the past 10 years the restaurant industry in Spiessa has grown, does not mean that the surge can be expected to continue in the coming years. While the author’s argument has some merit, it is flawed in three respects.

Most conspicuously, the argument assumes that because in the past decade the restaurant industry grew, that it could be expected to continue to grow in the coming years. It is entirely possible, however, personal incomes could suddenly decrease the same way they saw an unprecedented increase, forcing people to eat dinner at home. Accordingly, the author should give readers affirmation that a decline in personal incomes could not be possible.

Additionally, the argument fails to account for the fact that if more leisure time is available, it could be possible that people would rather cook themselves instead of going out and spending money at a restaurant. This too, is a gross assumption, as it could very well be that with additional time, people would want to cook healthy meals for themselves. As a result, the author needs to take a poll questioning, on the condition that more recreational time was available, whether people would prefer dining out to cooking for themselves.

Finally, the argument relies on the assumption that single person households are more common and that they would want to have dinner at a restaurant. One cannot deny that an alternative is possible, although couldn’t it be plausible that those who are alone would prefer not to disclose the fact that they are alone, and stay home instead? To make a compelling case, the author would need to demonstrate evidence that single people would rather go out than stay in.

In conclusion, the argument that the restaurant industry in the country of Spiessa has experienced an unheard of growth due to recent social changes is poorly supported and makes a number of critical assumptions. Not only does the author assume that because in the past decade the restaurant industry had grown and is expected to continue to grow in the coming years, but he/she also presupposes that due to more leisure time being available, people would prefer to dine out. In order to make this argument convincing, the author needs to show validation that nothing will stand in the way of the restaurant industry continuing to grow and take a survey questioning whether people prefer dining out to cooking a meal themselves, in order to avoid other speculations.

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GMAT/MBA Expert

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Hi soneee,

Unfortunately, I have to give this essay a 3.

Structurally, this essay is well organized. You followed a template well, and kept your ideas separate in separate paragraphs, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Your writing is acceptable--no major grammatical errors that affect reasoning, though you need to watch for clunky, wordy language (for example, "This argument is weak seeing that just because...").

However, your reasoning completely misses the mark. You misidentified the author's main conclusion. The cause-effect you identified is important, but not the central thesis. The point you needed to attack was the idea that the restaurant industry will continue to grow. You address this as if it were a piece of evidence, in your second paragraph, and don't come back to it--for that reason, your essay doesn't quite meet the GMAT's standards.

The real take-away from this essay is, spend time at the beginning. Kaplan recommends a full 8 minutes of essay planning before you even write the essay. This might seem like a lot of time, but it's time you can't afford to not spend. If you analyze the argument more carefully, you can make sure you don't miss a key aspect in your writing.

Hope this helps!

Best,

_________________
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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The author states that since the fitness magazine “Muscle Monthly”, which features pictures of bodybuilders using state of the art machines, sells out regularly at the local Newsstand, the community should equip the new fitness center with these machines to help maximize the fitness level of the residents of the town. The arguments makes several assumptions, lack of evidence to which renders the argument flawed.

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Essay writer

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It's quite a good essay. As for me, however, it would be much better if you provide some more facts and make your language a little bit richer.

http://special-essays.com

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It's not bad essay at all, but need more strong arguments
http://prime-essay.org

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The argument relies on the assumption that single person households are more common and that they would want to have dinner at a restaurant. http://academicpaper.net/business-papers-writing-service.htm

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Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts Default Avatar
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What's with the terrible replies above providing very general feedback and advertising writing service websites??

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Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts Default Avatar
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RiverW wrote:
If you need to write a paper, but you don`t have enough time or skills, I recommend you this http://www.essays-shark.net site. Ordering here saves your time for doing something really interesting
Thank you RiverW for buttressing my point!

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Yes of course you are creative writer.I like your writing style and technique.Its really high quality writing.I think everyone will be like your writing.
Regards
Diva@ Blueberries for dogs

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