GMAT Essays (AWA)

Please review my essay and score me..

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The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles:
"People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body's ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals."


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Healthy body is an essential factor to lead a long and happy life. Calorie conscience has increased among people in recent days. People have started to watch their diet and awarness of being fit has increased tremendously. There are so many artificial supplements, drugs, programs avaliable in the market now to help reduce body fat, watch calorie intake and to stay fit. These drugs and supplements help people not to sacrifice the taste for the food and help them to watch their calorie intake at the same time. In the preceding statement, one such supplement, Aspartame, artificial sweetner has been discussed by the author. In the statement the author describes about the side effects of the artificial sweetner and made some conclusions based on a research which was carried out on the sweetner. The reasoning behind the author's argument and the conclusion made have some serious assumptions and lack support.

The reaserch states that aspartame when consumed in high levels will trigger the craving for food and the author is correct in concluding that high craving for food will contribute to weight gain but his conclusion lacks support. His conclusion would have been even more effective if the author mentioned about the level of aspartame intake by a normal person and what is considered to be "high level" in aspartame in take. The reaserch mentions "high levels" and the what level is considered high is not defined. The "high level" mentioned in the reaserch could be way below the average intake of aspartame by a average person. If the average intake is well below the defined "high level" there is no risk of triggering a craving for food.

The author states another result of a study in his second part of the statement. The study shows that sugar after continuous exercise will enhance the body's ability to burn fat. The authors concludes that aspartame will prevent the calorie burning effect and the conclusion was drawn with out much reasoning and baseless assumption. This study did not compare sugar and aspartame in its chemical structure or it did not say that chemically it reacts exactly opposite to sugar and the authors conclusion was fully based on the first reasearch or study that aspartame increases craving for food which can not be related with the study that refers to fat burning aspect of sugar after the workout.

In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid.

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