GMAT Essays (AWA)

Here are two AWA Qs (issue and argument) from Kaplan and my response under test conditions... Will be helpful if someone can rate and provide feedback! Thanks!

Issue:

The following appeared in an article on the op-ed page of an urban newspaper:

Although the redevelopment proposal for the blighted inner-city neighborhood has prompted criticisms from senior citizens, advocates of low and middle-income housing, and community residents fearful of inconvenience or even displacement, it promises to create not only a number of upscale apartment buildings but also numerous construction jobs as well.

Discuss the issue being considered and its implications. Develop an argument advocating whether or not the redevelopment proposal is a good idea. Explain your position using relevant reasons or examples drawn from your own experience, observations, or reading.

Analysis of the issue:

The newspaper article brings up a very common and pertinent issue which lot of developing countries / places are facing. It hints at the advantages and issues associated with modernization and redevelopment of older houses and neighborhoods to upscale apartments. This redevelopment proposal has been criticized mainly by the senior citizen, advocates of low and middle income housing and community residents fearful of inconvenience or displacement, due to the redevelopment.

From the point of view of the people criticizing this plan, possible displacement is a big issue. They feel they will lose their current accommodation and will not be able to afford one in the new apartment. In a lot of cases, the displaced are compensated enough. People from old school of thought view it as a movement from a neighborhood concept (personalized) to apartment concept (impersonalized).

However, there are some apparent advantages which come along with such redevelopment. First, the upscale buildings help raise the overall standard of living of the residents, with better and organized facilities like water, electricity, security etc. It overall leads to infrastructural developments in the area. Secondly, numerous construction jobs are created, which in turn help improve the income levels of the residents. Third, the overall infrastructure developments attract other corporate investors like retailers, restaurateurs, entertainment avenue builders etc. This further helps improve overall quality of life and further sources of income.

In my view, such redevelopment helps growth of an economy. Nonetheless, it should not be recklessly carried out, but should be implemented with certain clauses, thus taking care of the concerns of the people affected by it. For example, residents displaced by the redevelopment initiative should be allotted flats in the proposed apartments, at affordable prices (or in lieu of their earlier accommodation). It is important the new accommodations come with improved facilities and also incorporate other important requirements like public parks, schools, hospitals etc. These clauses will ensure that the builder do not recklessly go to build apartments on every inch of land they get, to maximize their profitability, but also cater to the social requirements of a community. Also, the residents (including senior citizens) should be involved in the decision making process and functioning of the newly developed apartments.

All in all, redevelopment is an important characteristic of a developing / growing economy and should not be curtailed. At the same time, it is important to ensure that the plan execution is not reckless and takes into consideration the requirements of the stakeholders affected.


Argument:

"Our service, which includes both designing and placing advertisement, is by far the most effective in the industry. For instance, we recently designed and placed a series of advertisements for an apparel company using a professional golfer as a spokesperson. Before the series of ads, a survey showed that only 8% of people who described themselves as non-golf fans had heard of the apparel company. After the series of ads, despite the golfer making national headlines by becoming the youngest golfer ever to win a major professional tournament, over 80% of people from a second survey had heard of the apparel company."

Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument. Be sure to analyze arguments reasoning and use of evidence. Think about questionable assumptions that underlie the argument and what other explanations might weaken the conclusion. Also, discuss what evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes you would suggest to make the argument logically sound, and what would help you evaluate its conclusion.

Analysis of the argument:

The argument states that the advertising agency's service (including designing and placing advertisements) is by far the most effective in the industry. The evidence provided for this argument is in the form of example of an apparel company's advertisements which used a professional golfer as a spokesman. The argument reasons that before the ads were placed, only 8% of the non-golf fans had heard about the apparel company, while after the ads were placed, more than 80% of the survey participants had heard of the apparel company.

This argument is based on a couple of assumptions. First, it assumes that golf fans (in this case) will watch the ads if a golfer is a spokesman for it. Secondly, participant composition of the two surveys is similarly homogenous and representative of the population under consideration.

However, there are certain flaws with this argument. It compares apples to oranges in terms of its survey results. It compares the preferences of golf fans (first survey) to general people (second survey), with no break-up of golf / non-golf fans provided. Also, it does not take into account other measurement parameters of effectiveness of an advertisement, such as VoC (Voice of Customer), changes in footfall of the apparel company etc. Also, if the ad agency claims to be most effective in the industry, the argument should compare its effectiveness with the others in the industry.

Composition of the survey participants is an important factor for any conclusions from the evidence. Thus, if the survey participant composition for the two surveys (pre and post ad placing) is different and not representative of the population, the argument will be seriously weakened. Also, if the people who had heard about the apparel company after the ad placement, had heard about the company pre-ad placement, then too the argument is weakened.

If the survey results showed that the percentage of people who have heard about the apparel company pre and post placement of the ad has increased (say 10% to 80%), then this finding will strengthen the argument.

To conclude, the ad agency's argument can hold valid if there are comparable evidences of pre and post ad placement, which reflect increase in awareness about the apparel company. The effectiveness should also be compared to the performance of other ad agencies in the industry, to be able to make such a conclusion.

Hi There!

I've only read your first writing piece, but I think you are definitely on the right track. Your first paragraph in particular was incredibly insightful. Your writing, in general, is fairly strong, but I do have a few comments which I hope might help you in the future. Firstly, I would avoid using any " / " in your written piece. Also, there were a couple of times that you used rather colloquial type expressions that detract from the quality of the piece. For example, 'a BIG issue', 'old school of thought'.

Keep up the good work!

jewelll