Analyze the Argument (OG 12th ed.) Please read/rate! Thanks

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"The computerized on-board warning system that will be installed in commercial airliners will virtually solve the problem of midair plane collisions. One plane's warning system can receive signals from another's transponder--a radio set that signals a plane's course--in order to determine the likelihood of a collision and recommend evasive action."

The argument of the passage states that the installation of computerized warning systems in planes will help avoid midair collisions. This system depends on signals that may be transmitted ahead of time before planes are en route a course to crash into other planes. The argument assumes that the warning system will work and that planes will receive a radio signal before a crash occurs. But the argument fails to consider other incidents, such as interference from electronic gadgets, bad weather, and the overuse of radio signals, which may prevent the device from working as intended. The use of a warning system can be beneficial if the planes were certain that most accidents occur in midair. Also, it would be valuable to know whether the planes can actually receive the signal and respond in a timely manner.
Although the argument states that the computer system will "virtually solve the problem of midair plane collisions", it is still possible that majority of accidents might occur during liftoff or landing. In these cases, receiving signals would be useless. A way to avoid the likelihood of a collision is to improve the means of communication. Since transmitting radio signals are generally slow and easily interfere will electronic gadgets, commercial airlines should consider installing a more reliable system of communication.
The use of a computerized system in all commercial airliners will not solve the problem if there are too many planes traveling at one time on the same course. Even If one plane can transmit signals to multiple planes, some of the airliners that share the same route may not have the new computerized system. This could lead to more accidents until all planes can be updated with the new system. To ensure that there are fewer midair collisions, it may be safer to use an alternative method of communication than to involve all airliners to conform to one standard - using a easily outdated means of communication
In conclusion, because the argument fails to consider a couple important consequences about the use of a computerized-system for all planes, the plan will not achieve its intended goal.

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by ketkoag » Sun Apr 17, 2011 6:53 pm
The argument of the passage states that the installation of computerized warning systems in planes will help avoid midair collisions. This system depends on signals that may be transmitted ahead of time before planes are en route a course to crash into other planes. The argument assumes that the warning system will work and that planes will receive a radio signal before a crash occurs. But the argument fails to consider other incidents, such as interference from electronic gadgets, bad weather, and the overuse of radio signals, which may prevent the device from working as intended. The use of a warning system can be beneficial if the authority was certain that most accidents occur in midair. Also, it would be valuable to know whether the planes can actually receive the signal and respond in a timely manner.
Although the argument states that the computer system will "virtually solve the problem of midair plane collisions", it is still possible that majority of accidents might occur during liftoff or landing. In these cases, receiving signals would be useless. A way to avoid the likelihood of a collision is to improve the means of communication. Since transmitting radio signals are generally slow and easily interfere will electronic gadgets, commercial airlines should consider installing a more reliable system of communication.
The use of a computerized system in all commercial airliners will not solve the problem if there are too many planes traveling at one time on the same course. Even If one plane can transmit signals to multiple planes, some of the airliners that share the same route may not have the new computerized system. This could lead to more accidents until all planes can be updated with the new system. To ensure that there are fewer midair collisions, it may be safer to use an alternative method of communication than to involve all airliners to conform to one standard - using a easily outdated means of communication This above argument is wrong.. It is never mentioned in the question that warning system will be installed in ALL commercial airliners. Please use the argument as is. Do not change it.
In conclusion, because the argument fails to consider a couple important consequences about the use of a computerized-system for all planes, the plan will not achieve its intended goal.
Corrected sentence : In conclusion, the stated argument fails to consider many important outcomes/results of computerised system and hence the argument is flawed.




I would give a 4.0/6 to this essay. You are going on the right track but try to be more structured while writing. I would suggest you to proofread the essay after done writing.