Hi all,
I'm looking for suggestions about my essay.
Thank you in advance.
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The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
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The article reviewing summer camp for children suggest parents to choose Federville Farms summer camps for their children.
One flaw presented from the line of reasoning of the article is the use of a recent survey to demonstrate that Federville Farms has excellent food quality and camper satisfaction; the article neglect to specify which competitor were included in the survey, and haw many people were interviewed.
The article make the implicit assumption that a family owned camp with a strong tradition is safe, although there is proven evidence that this logical connection is not automatic; many incidents happened last year in several old family owned camp.
The huge Red Cross lifeguards presence can be caused by the relatively high incident rate; this presence is not itself a safety indicator; if an incident happens, someone expert is going to give a competent help, but we can't know how much effort is put in the incident prevention.
Another important point to consider is the range of age the camp is focused on; it is very difficult for a camp to be both good for very young children and for children near to the teenage, for the differences of need these categories have.
A good position in a safety ranking of all the camps in the state would strengthen the argument of the article, as well as a more detailed explanation of the cited survey. If the survey has been made comparing all the camps of the state, and making interview to a large piece of camp consumers, the same survey can be considered reliable. Discovering that the survey has been made between only two camps, and interviewing only ten people, can strongly weaken the argument, and confute the conclusion.
The conclusion the article make is not necessarily wrong, but the author miss some important piece in describing the pros of the camp; a more specific and detailed description could better help the parents to choose the Federville Farms camp as the best choice for their children.
I'm looking for suggestions about my essay.
Thank you in advance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
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The article reviewing summer camp for children suggest parents to choose Federville Farms summer camps for their children.
One flaw presented from the line of reasoning of the article is the use of a recent survey to demonstrate that Federville Farms has excellent food quality and camper satisfaction; the article neglect to specify which competitor were included in the survey, and haw many people were interviewed.
The article make the implicit assumption that a family owned camp with a strong tradition is safe, although there is proven evidence that this logical connection is not automatic; many incidents happened last year in several old family owned camp.
The huge Red Cross lifeguards presence can be caused by the relatively high incident rate; this presence is not itself a safety indicator; if an incident happens, someone expert is going to give a competent help, but we can't know how much effort is put in the incident prevention.
Another important point to consider is the range of age the camp is focused on; it is very difficult for a camp to be both good for very young children and for children near to the teenage, for the differences of need these categories have.
A good position in a safety ranking of all the camps in the state would strengthen the argument of the article, as well as a more detailed explanation of the cited survey. If the survey has been made comparing all the camps of the state, and making interview to a large piece of camp consumers, the same survey can be considered reliable. Discovering that the survey has been made between only two camps, and interviewing only ten people, can strongly weaken the argument, and confute the conclusion.
The conclusion the article make is not necessarily wrong, but the author miss some important piece in describing the pros of the camp; a more specific and detailed description could better help the parents to choose the Federville Farms camp as the best choice for their children.
