Please grade the essay

[GMAT_2013]

Topic :
The following was used as part of an internet advertising company\\\'s appeal to businesses: Furniture Depot employed our internet advertising company to help. Since then its sales increased by 10% over last year\\\'s totals. Furniture Depot\\\'s success demonstrates how using our internet services can increase your profitability.

Describe how well reasoned you find this argument. In the discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the argument\\\'s conclusion. You may also address possible changes in the argument that would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion
Essay :
The argument claims that Furniture Depot employed employed internet advertising company's help and boosted its sales by 10% over the last year's totals and this shows that internet services can increase the profitability.The argument stated in this way fails to provide several key factors helpful in evaluating the claims made in the argument.These factors I will be discussing in the next paragraphs.The conclusion of the argument is based on the assumptions for which no clear cut evidences are provided

This argument suffers from causal flaw.The advertising company has directly mentioned that the sales boost is due to advertisement and because of no other reasons.If we closely evaluate the argument we can see that in order to conclude that advertising is the sole reason for the boost , there should be evidences that the furniture depot has no improved the quality of their products or any other means to boost the sales.

Second flaw of the argument is it says that Furniture Depot's success demonstrates how using the internet services can lead to profitability without giving evidence that this kind of advertisement will suit all kinds of businesses or not.We have no evidence here to benchmark and compare the sales boost with other companies

Third flaw in this argument is that there is no evidence that Furniture Depot's profitability is increased as increase in sales need not imply that profitability has increased.Also 10% increase in sale does not give the correct figure.Argument should have provided enough evidence for the readers to substantiate the conclusion

Thus to strengthen the conclusion the author would have provided enough statistics to substantiate that internet services are the only thing that helped Furniture Depot to increase profitability and not any other measures.Also evidences and examples to support how these services can be used for all kinds of businesses

In conclusion , the argument is flawed with unclear evidences and due to the above reasons.Therefore it is unconvincing .Author would have mentioned relevant facts to strengthen the argument.In the absence of these facts the argument would always be open for debate.

[NickO]

Hello GMAT_2013, before I evaluate your essay, please know that I'm not an expert. I'm studying for the GMAT and also want to help others to improve their essay-writing-skills.

First, your structure looks ok. First the introduction, three flaws, a kind-of summary, and then your conclusion. I think you should look at this again. The section before your conclusion should be put together with your conclusion I think.

Second, your English could be improved. Sentences such as: "These factors I will be discussing in the next paragraphs" are not good I think. This should be: "I will be discussing these factors in the next paragraphs". Furthermore, there are many places where you forgot to put a white-space after a period, or you put too many white-spaces before and after commas.

Third, regarding the content of your essay, I think your on the right track and really have some good points. You mention how other factors could have boosted the sales. You could, however, describe this a little better. "[...] to conclude that advertising is the sole reason for the boost , there should be evidences that the furniture depot has no improved the quality of their products or any other means to boost the sales.". Although I do understand what you're trying to say, this sentence is awkward and not to the point. For example, you could have written it like this: "there should be evidence that the furniture depot did not have any other means to boost their sales, such as enhanced product quality."

So I think your message is somewhat clear, but the way you write it down makes it a little difficult to understand. I would suggest that you try to improve your English by reading English newspapers for example. I hope my feedback will help you with your studying. Good luck!

Nick