Can someone please rate my essay? I'd really like to know how to improve on this.
"The inflow of immigrant workers into our community has put a downward pressure on wages. In fact, the average compensation of unskilled labor in our city has declined by nearly 10% over the past 5 years. Therefore, to protect our local economy, it is essential to impose a moratorium on further immigration.
The author's argument is that the local economy is affected because of the inflow of immigrant workers into the community. Though the author's claim may well have merit, it is based on several questionable unsubstantiated assumptions and unsupported premises. Based solely on the evidence provided by the author, the argument cannot be accepted as valid.
Firstly, the argument's premise that only the 10% decline in average compensation for unskilled labor is representative of the entire city's economic condition is unsupported.The author fails to provide data about the decline or increase in the average compensation for other types of labor in the city.
Secondly, the author's assumption that since the downward trend in wages coincided with the inflow of immigrant workers, the decline in wages has been caused by immigrant workers. It is possible that the inflow of immigrant workers may be due to the lack of unskilled labor in the city. Further, the inflow in immigrant workers which the author assumes is of the unskilled category may have be caused by the city's skilled laborers' requirement for unskilled labor. A conclusion cannot be made without valid data about the labor conditions in the city.
Also, the argument focuses on the effect of the immigrant workers on the average wages of the unskilled laborers. It fails to explain or refute the possibility that the majority of the local unskilled laborers may have moved to the skilled labor category, thus gaining more wages. The city may have experienced a drastic increase in the average compensation for the skilled labor category thus neutering the decline in compensation for the unskilled labor category.
In sum, the author's illogical claim is based on unsubstantiated assumptions and unsupported claims about the impact of immigrant workers on the city's economy. If the author wants to change the reader's mind on the issue, he must largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, explicate his assumptions and provide evidentiary support. Without these things the argument is likely to convince few people.
"The inflow of immigrant workers into our community has put a downward pressure on wages. In fact, the average compensation of unskilled labor in our city has declined by nearly 10% over the past 5 years. Therefore, to protect our local economy, it is essential to impose a moratorium on further immigration.
The author's argument is that the local economy is affected because of the inflow of immigrant workers into the community. Though the author's claim may well have merit, it is based on several questionable unsubstantiated assumptions and unsupported premises. Based solely on the evidence provided by the author, the argument cannot be accepted as valid.
Firstly, the argument's premise that only the 10% decline in average compensation for unskilled labor is representative of the entire city's economic condition is unsupported.The author fails to provide data about the decline or increase in the average compensation for other types of labor in the city.
Secondly, the author's assumption that since the downward trend in wages coincided with the inflow of immigrant workers, the decline in wages has been caused by immigrant workers. It is possible that the inflow of immigrant workers may be due to the lack of unskilled labor in the city. Further, the inflow in immigrant workers which the author assumes is of the unskilled category may have be caused by the city's skilled laborers' requirement for unskilled labor. A conclusion cannot be made without valid data about the labor conditions in the city.
Also, the argument focuses on the effect of the immigrant workers on the average wages of the unskilled laborers. It fails to explain or refute the possibility that the majority of the local unskilled laborers may have moved to the skilled labor category, thus gaining more wages. The city may have experienced a drastic increase in the average compensation for the skilled labor category thus neutering the decline in compensation for the unskilled labor category.
In sum, the author's illogical claim is based on unsubstantiated assumptions and unsupported claims about the impact of immigrant workers on the city's economy. If the author wants to change the reader's mind on the issue, he must largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, explicate his assumptions and provide evidentiary support. Without these things the argument is likely to convince few people.
