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Please grade the essay

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by silus151 » Tue Jul 31, 2012 7:54 am
Please tell me how good this essay is:


Internet advertising is a phenomenon these days, and is put in use by many businesses to increase their revenue and profits. In the preceding argument the author concludes that employing this internet advertising company for advertising will increase the profitability of any business. To bolster this statement, author provides the example of a furniture depot which employed this particular ad agency and increased the sales by 10% over last year's. Although the author;s claim may well have merits, the supporting argument is rather poorly reasoned and is based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence offered, the argument cannot be deemed valid.

The primary issue with the argument lies in unsubstantiated premise. Basing only on the fact that furniture depot sales have increased by 10% author concludes that the company can affect positively is not acceptable. The author will have to provide further examples, if possible a detailed statistics of most previous clients to make the reader believe truly that the company can increase profitability of any business.

In addition, author weakens the argument by making several unproven assumptions. Author assumes that increase in sales is equal to increase in profits which is not the case. It is possible that furniture depot offered a discount reducing his margins and has increased sales without any increase in profits. Further, Author makes the classical error that, if two event happened consecutively the former has caused the later. It is possible that apart from internet advertising there are other reason for the furniture depot sales to increase such as discounts, print ads and television media advertising.

Finally, even though the argument has several key issues to be addressed, it is not without a proper base and offers a good scope fore improvements. If the author can provide statistics companies covering all possible areas, instead of just one, in this case is furniture depot, will help reader understand the potential of internet advertising. Also, the author should provide detailed statistics, proving that it is only the internet advertising and not any other that caused the increase in sales and profitability. These clarification can significantly strengthen the argument and can help author convince the reader effectively.

In sum, if the author truly hopes to create a positive impression on reader regarding the issue, he will have to restructure the argument, fix the flaws in the logic, explicate the assumptions and provide evidentiary support. Without these corrections, his poorly reasoned argument is likely to convince only a few readers.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by Jim@StratusPrep » Mon Aug 06, 2012 10:06 am
Here is a good way to have your essays scored: https://www.dxrgroup.com/cgi-bin/scoreitnow/index.pl
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