Kellogg essay 1

[machichi]

So I'm working on essay 1 for Kellogg, which reads as follows:

1. Discuss moments or influences in your personal life that have defined who you are today. (500 word limit)

The first 250 words are spent discussing things that happened in my personal life, and the second half of the essay is about stuff in my professional life that have influenced me personally. Am I inching too close to the professional line? It is obvious they want it to be personal, but as I say in my essay, "the personal becomes professional and vice versa for me." Yeah, that phrase is clunky, but hey it's a draft. It's honest and true but I am nervous they'll think I'm playing the game to discuss my professional life or something...

I guess as a matter of context I should say I work in the field of education--primarily with low-income immigrant families. It's kind of hard NOT to be affected by them!

[myEssayReview]

As you are aware, the essay prompt is entirely about influential factors in your personal life only, so you should only discuss stories about people or incidents that have impacted you in your personal life. It is true that your personal attributes will be reflected in your professional dealings as well, but the essay prompt doesn't expect you to discuss stories from your professional life .Through this question, the Ad Com want to know what kind of a person you are and how the people/ events in your personal life have contributed to who you are.

So I would suggest you discuss 2-3 stories from your personal life that have largely contributed to your unique personality. And, in the end, you may write 1-2 concluding sentences about how it has helped you in your professional life.

I hope it helped.

If you find my post helpful, please let me know by pushing the thank button.

[essaysnark]

Hi machichi -- Obviously we haven't seen your draft (though you can submit to us to be considered for a free and anonymous review on the EssaySnark blahg - no guarantees it'll happen but ...! https://www.essaysnark.com/about/contact/ ) and of course not seeing the essay doesn't mean we don't have an opinion on this!

Normally we'd say your instincts are right, that you're inching too close to the professional line here - we generally are adamant that essays like this stay firmly in the "personal" domain. However, you *might* be OK with your strategy, depending on how you do it. We're frankly somewhat skeptical though. There's other places in the Kellogg essays to talk about your work with families. We're typically unconvinced that anyone would need to bend the rules here - as you said, the adcom is pretty clear on what they're looking for.

So, without seeing your draft, we can't say for sure, maybe your execution will work - but we're hesitant to give you carte blanche, since the rules are the rules!!

EssaySnark

[machichi]

Thanks to you both for your comments. I'm inclined to email the admissions committee, but I also think that that's kind of too obsequious and insecure for my taste.

I emailed you my draft, monsieur snark. I know from your blahg that you're more than adapt at improving essays, and that sometimes improvement comes in the phrase, "start over again".

::wincing in preparation for the punch::

Thanks again!

[essaysnark]

PLEASE DO NOT EMAIL THE ADCOM!!

Sorry for the all caps but we feel strongly about this - there is NO REASON to ever email the adcom like this. They have served up their instructions, and the essay prompt is pretty unambiguous, if you ask us. Emailing for clarification is going to send what kind of message to them, exactly? No, please don't!

Haven't yet dug into the draft you submitted but hopefully will be able to do so in the near future - thanks for trusting us with it!

EssaySnark