Admission Essay- Please give me your reviews!

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Admission Essay- Please give me your reviews!

by AA11 » Fri Mar 11, 2011 8:49 am
Here's my admission essay for Wake Forest University's MA in Management program. I'll be using almost the same essay for Duke's Masters in Management Science program as well. Please have a look at it and suggest any changes you think need to be made. I know the conclusion is a bit short. Any suggestions of what I should add in there? Thanks in advance!!


Why are you interested in a graduate business degree from Wake Forest University? How will a graduate business degree help you achieve your short-term and long-term professional goals?


Standing amidst frantic shoppers, a smile crept over my lips as I watched a young college girl try on a pair of dark, skinny jeans; a vibrant, ruffled-front silk top and high-heeled, suede, ankle boots. As an eighteen year old, I did not even know the meaning of suede. Yet, here I was, ten years later, proud owner of the Fashion Pind (Urdu word meaning Village) - the most popular retail apparel store in Karachi. Women swarmed in as the city lacked a quality apparel store that offered the latest trends from the west. Young women no longer had to call their relatives, who lived in America, to bring them trendy pants from New York and Company and embellished sweaters from Charlotte Russe that won't break their banks. My store had brought a revolution! Rrrrrring. The alarm rang and it was time to snap out of my dream.

As a student in high school, I aspired about becoming a successful entrepreneur some day. My parents, however, had the typical Pakistani mentality- if your child pursues a major other than engineering or medicine, it's because he/she is academically incapable of studying sciences. And that is the story of how I ended up majoring in Architectural Engineering.
During sophomore year, I was delighted to find that US colleges let students minor in subjects of their choice. I jumped at this opportunity and enrolled in an accounting and marketing class during my senior year. I highly enjoyed these classes and regular discussions with my marketing Professor led me to the idea of launching a retail apparel store in the future. A couple of months later I found myself in Karachi, researching the market demand and strolling in and out of various stores. The results were in my favor.

To avoid taking a loan from my father to set up my business and to enhance my management skills and work experience, I've decided to enroll in a Masters Program. My short term post-Masters goal is hence to get experience in the retail industry, by working for a strong retail brand such as Zara or Diesel.

On stumbling upon WFU, I was convinced that the MA in Management program would provide me with the platform to achieve my goals. A successful retail store owner must have the knowledge to create financial plans, marketing strategies and manage resources. This program will help me further develop these skills and the action learning projects will allow me to get exactly what I'm looking for, hands-on-experience to prepare me for the real world. I also intend to take full advantage of the option WFU gives to MA Management students of coming back a few years later to get an MBA. Additionally, the university's international study tour would give me a chance to gain exposure to retail apparel stores in a different part of the world.

The MA in Management is the key to my entrepreneurial goals. I can already see myself closer to my dream. Fashion Pind- here I come!
Source: — The Application Process |

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by Superduperstudent » Fri Mar 11, 2011 9:33 pm
Hi AA11,

You're essay has good parts and not so good parts. Think of what you are trying to accomplish. It is your mission to make the reader understand why you want the business degree and what the degree will help you do in the future. You want to make your reasons clear in the very first paragraph, after which you will support your ideas with evidence that shows that the program will indeed help you reach your goals.

For some great ideas, read my blog posts about showing that you are motivated and about writing a catchy introduction.

You can also contact me for help with these essays.

Good luck!
Go to www.superduperstudent.com for GMAT tutoring and MBA application support!