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Analysis of Argument - Please rate! Expert opinion requested

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Poll ended at Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:34 am

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by laumsd » Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:34 am
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:

"The inflow of immigrant workers into our community has put a downward pressure on wages. In fact, the average compensation of unskilled labor in our city has declined by nearly 10% over the past 5 years. Therefore, to protect our local economy, it is essential to impose a moratorium on further immigration."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

MY RESPONSE:
The author argues that the inflow of immigrant workers has lead to a drop in wages for unskilled workers. He is therefore suggesting a ban on further immigration to help the economy pick up and therefore increase local wages. In a relatively stagnant economy an excess supply of unskilled immigrant workers could well drive down unskilled labour costs this considers two assumptions. Firstly that the economy is either stagnant or growing slowly and not shrinking and also that the immigrants are all unskilled.

While we are aware that the average compensation for unskilled labour has declined by nearly 10% in the last 5 years the author gives us no indication about the state of the economy in these 5 years. An economy that was shrinking would result in a declining compensation package irrespective of immigration and not because of it. If the author were to give us some indication that the local economy and other wage rates were either on the upswing or stagnant it would establish a better cause-effect relationship between immigration and the downward spiral in payscales.

Additionally the author indicated that a moratorium on further immigration would be the solution to protecting the local economy and increasing worker salary. Skilled and semi-skilled immigrant workers however are very important to growing an economy whether local or otherwise. Immigrant workers often fill existing gaps in labor supply and help the economy and community to grow thereby increasing both jobs and wages. A ban on immigrants may therefore work against rather than towards protecting the economy.

This argument is not well reasoned due to two major flaws in its logic. Though the argument holds some merit but is inconclusive without further evidence on the state of the local economy and labor market.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by grockit_andrea » Sat Jul 24, 2010 2:24 pm
The two flaws that you point out are well-supported. However, identifying a third flaw and including a paragraph about it would give your essay some needed length; although length isn't supposed to be a determining factor in your score, it's rare for a shorter essay to score over a 4. You could, for example, have indicated that the author's presumption that immigration caused the downward trend in wages was unsupported, and that it's possible that the declining wages actually caused the influx of immigrants, as they might be willing to work for lower wages than would other workers, or that a new industry-- like farming-- had become a larger part of the local economy in recent years, leading to a large number of immigrant workers and a reduced average wage, while having no actual impact on the earnings of other workers. Regardless of what idea you chose to address, another paragraph would make your essay describing a flaw and discussing it thoroughly would improve your score. Along the same lines, a paragraph should generally have three or more sentences; your conclusion looks a little skimpy, and could benefit from another sentence or two.
Finally, you should probably acquaint yourself with the proper use of commas. I don't think there's a single one in your essay, and there are many places where one is needed.

You have a promising start here, but in order to improve your essay, you should focus on creating more well-supported content and polishing your writing mechanics.
Andrea A.
Grockit Tutor
https://www.grockit.com
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by laumsd » Sun Jul 25, 2010 10:55 pm
Andrea - THANK YOU so very much for your advice. Its all very very helpful and focuses my efforts to improve my score.

Will put up a new improved essay in a couple days and would really really appreciate any feedback you could provide then.

This test has been a little nerve wrecking so thank you for pointing me in the right direction at least w.r.t essays :)
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