Please... evaluate my Professional Goal Statement...

[hapsam]

This is my Professional Goal Statement... any advice?
Please give a score from 1-10
I am applying to a tier 3.. school..


Professional Goal Statement.

A great MBA program should teach the tools one needs for business. I am applying to ---- University to learn these tools and much more. In today's modern business world we need to learn and master Accounting, Finance, Quantitative Analysis, Economics, and other subjects and skills, all in order to become more competitive business men and women. I have a desire to learn these subjects, because I want to improve my career, learn more, and prepare for the future.

First, an MBA degree will be a huge boost to my career. I first started thinking about an MBA degree shortly after college when I was looking for a job in Chicago. I noticed all the best jobs, the jobs I was interested in, warranted a business degree, especially an MBA. I took a job in Chicago but it was not long before, though personal connections, I found myself working in Seoul, Korea, a place where education is highly valued. I worked as an educational consultant, teaching business skills to Korean business men and women. The Koreans highly value an MBA and although I was very successful in my field, I missed many opportunities, including a possible dream job because I did not have an MBA. Having an MBA will break the glass ceiling and allow me to pursue those opportunities that have evaded me in the past.

Even more importantly, the education received in the MBA course, rather than just the title itself, will be useful not only for my current profession but also for any other type of future business I might find myself in. The best classes an MBA course can offer are practical, and I am happy to see that --- University requires courses such as Accounting and Finance. These skills I can use immediately, and are useful for all industries.

Finally, I have come to the point in my life where I have been successful and made some money, but I have also learned that money is easily lost. An MBA degree is more valuable than money in that it gives you the knowledge that will always make you valuable in the business world. Thus an MBA will improve my career and give me the knowledge I need for my future.


Any advice will be helpful...
Thank you for reading..

[Bryant@VeritasPrep]

Hmmmm....this comes across to me more as an answer to the question "why an MBA?" than a professional goals statement. You actually don't even mention your short and long term vision for your post-MBA career, nor any personal goals beyond your professional aspirations. The essence of your statement seems to be rooted in why you are attracted to attaining an MBA degree and how an MBA is valued and useful in your culture, but I think you fail to outline your short and long term goals and how you will leverage the MBA to achieve them.

[hapsam]

Thank you for the advice...It was very helpful...
I'll rewrite it with you suggestions in mind.

I'll repost later...

[hapsam]

This is my new rough draft... Please let me know what you think...??


Obtaining an MBA will help me achieve both my short term and long term goals. In the near term, I hope to work as a project manager for a global business. My long term goal is to work in top management. While studying for the MBA I hope to develop the education and skill-set in order to reach my goals. Equally important, I hope to learn from my fellow students and share with them some of the lessons I have gained from my experience.

I specifically chose UNI because the schools diverse elective offerings. The classes that are of most interest to me to achieve my short term goals are Project Management Fundamentals, and Advanced Project Management. The Fundamentals course should give me the framework, while the Advanced course has more specific software training. During school I will also look to take an internship and or supplemental classes to help further my experience with project management.

Breaking into top management in the business world is tough, with an MBA I believe it will be possible. Studying for an MBA is a wonderful opportunity because I will be able to learn the different parts of the business and learn to see how they function as a whole. It is the ability to understand the many different aspects of business such as accounting and marketing that prepares an MBA to become a top manager.

Finally, I hope to learn from and share my experiences with my fellow students. The best lesson I have learned over the last 7 years is to "break out of the box." This might sound cliché, but it is important to business success. In the business day employees inevitably find themselves doing some repetitive work, but their truly productive time is when they use their minds to think of new solutions to old problems. These creative moments are what move a company forward and distinguish it from other companies.

Therefore, with expertise in project management, a solid knowledge of the different functions of business, and a creative way of thinking, I will be able to achieve my goals.