Please rate argument essay

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Please rate argument essay

by abhi84v » Sun Jun 27, 2010 12:20 am
The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city's council on the arts:
"In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts
than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our
city's art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television,
where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that
attendance at our city's art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city's funds for supporting the arts
should be reallocated to public television."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.


Television, a medium with a potentially far-reaching audience, provides an ideal platform for generating awareness and hence appreciation of the visual arts among the common public. Visual arts have always had a significant impact on the society, more so in the modern world. In the preceding statement, the report asserts that in view of imminent cuts in corporate funding for public television, a fall in attendance at the city's art museum is expected. The report recommends a reallocation of funds set aside for supporting the arts to be spent on public television to avoid the aforesaid situation. Though this claim may have some standing, on the basis of the offered premises which lack several unstated assumptions, the validity of the argument is called into question.

One of the issues with the argument lies in the unsubstantiated premises. It states the results of a citywide poll which mentions that fifteen percent more residents watch television programs about the visual arts compared to those interviewed in a similar poll five years ago. Whether the citywide poll is representative of the city population has not been mentioned in the argument provided. It could well be that the poll considers an insufficient representation of the actual city demographics. In addition, it mentions a possibility of severe cuts in corporate funding to the public television system. The credibility of the threat has not been explored and yet it has been inferred that there will be a drop in attendance at the art museums.

The more serious issue however is the number of unproven assumptions. The citywide poll mentions a certain percentage of residents who watch television programs about the visual arts and correlates this with a similar percentage rise in people visiting the city's art museums. These people who visit the museums may not be the same people who watch the programs on television. In fact the people who watch the programs on television may decide not to attend the museums as they watch programs offering the same content anyway. Also, the people visiting the museums may actually be visitors to the city rather than city residents who were respondents to the poll. Hence, attributing the programs on television to an increase in visitors to the art museum may be misleading. Another flaw in reasoning is that there is no mention as to whether the said programs are broadcast on public television. If this is not the case already, the reduced expenditure to public television will not affect the number of visitors to the museums assuming that the correlation mentioned previously does hold true.

Although the argument does have several gaps with regards to the premises and assumptions mentioned above, it is not entirely without base. Mentioning that the citywide poll is indeed representative of the city's general population and that the looming threat is credible goes some way towards strengthening the argument. Further, the several assumptions stated above can be accordingly addressed. A confirmation of the fact that a large proportion of the people who admitted to watching these programs on television in fact contributed to the rise in art museum viewership would further assist the argument. Finally if these programs are only broadcast on public television, then the argument appears a lot more logical and reasonable.

In light of these facts, the argument, based on unsupported premises without the assumptions provided, does not render a valid conclusion. In order to make the argument more compelling, the author needs to largely restructure the argument, fix the flaws in logic, explicate the assumptions and provide more evidentiary support.





I have used bits of myohmy's template btw.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by ArpanaAmishi » Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:18 am
Not an expert in this area , infact in begining mode .As far as my knowledge goes

1. Good structure

2. Appropriate usage of language (That's the something I am lacking :-()

3. I didn't find out appropriate transition word usage (may be too early for me to comment , please excuse me)

4. Probably you should explictly mention that, how author can strengthen premises and assumptions.

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by laurabates » Mon Jun 28, 2010 10:08 am
Hi abhi84v!
I'm not an expert on this area myself, but I do know of a really good proofreading and editing website. It's called Oxbridge editing (www.oxbridgeediting.co.uk) and it has loads of different options for editing and checking over essays for you - they might be able to help and give you some constructvie feedback, especially as it seems to be run by experts and academics who would probably know a lot more about this than me!
Hope this helps
Laura

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by grockit_andrea » Sun Jul 04, 2010 12:04 pm
This is a really solid essay. I would give it a 5. I have only a couple of suggestions. First, good job on structuring a clear organizational framework. However, you could benefit from using transitions to indicate your progress through the argument. This isn't a huge deal, but opening your topic sentences with words like, "First," "Primarily," "Furthermore," etc. can help guide the reader. You use those within the paragraphs, but they help make topic sentences read more smoothly. And second, your use of language is great, and you've achieved a good length here. Sometimes you're a little wordy, though. Your first two sentences don't serve any clear purpose, as the information that you present in them doesn't really have any bearing on the rest of the essay. I understand that you were trying to provide an introduction, but since those sentences didn't seem to address the validity of the argument itself, I initially worried that you were going to go off-topic and write about the issue instead of the argument.
Anyway, these are small matters; overall your essay is strong, and I think making some small changes will add a little extra polish to your style.
Andrea A.
Grockit Tutor
https://www.grockit.com

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