Issue essay please rate if possible

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Issue essay please rate if possible

by mj41 » Fri Mar 26, 2010 9:35 am
"Nuclear weapons are potentially more devastating than any other weapon in human history. We must stop pointing the nuclear gun at our own heads. The best way to lower the threat of nuclear war is for the nuclear capable nations, including the U.S., to lead by example and dismantle their own nuclear arsenals."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.



We have the examples of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in front of us. Images of the devastation that was caused by these weapons still haunt us. Most people would prefer a world free of such weapons of mass destruction but the process to get to such a stage is more complicated that it might seem at an inital glance. There are people who say that developed and progressive nations such as the US should lead by example and dismantle their own nuclear arsenals. However I feel that this is an idealists perspective.

We have already seen examples of countries such as Pakistan and India, who have managed to develop nuclear weapons. Pakistan has already been criticized by several nations for letting its most prominent scientists leak information to countries like North Korea and Iran. Were the US to dismantle its own weaponry there is no saying what countries like North Korea and Iran might do if they had access to nuclear weapons. In fact contrary to the above statement it might make the threat of nuclear war all the more eminent.

Similarly countries such as Pakistan and India who have had a hostile history have been on the brink of war several time in the last decade. One of the reasons the leaders of these countries have managed to evade war is because of their nuclear capabilities. Leaders of both countries are aware of the other nuclear capabilities which is a major deterrence from letting hostilities escalate between teh two nations.

In addition to the above mentioned examples we live in a time where countries like the US and UK have seen terror attacks on its own soil. For them to dismantle their nuclear weapons would only make them more vunerable to further threat, possibly even nuclear.

In sum we would all like to see a world withought nuclear weapons and I am sure a number of strong reasons to support the dismantling of nuclear weapons by countries like the US can be given; however based on the examples I have cited above it would increase the threat of a nuclear war than lower it.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by grockit_andrea » Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:47 am
I would give this a 4 or a 5; you have good structure and organization, a few minor errors in grammar and usage, and good examples. You could improve this essay by using a stronger topic sentence at the beginning of each body paragraph. In paragraph 2, for example, I wasn't sure what point you were making until I got to the third sentence. And in your last example paragraph, another sentence that makes a stronger link between cause and effect would be helpful; what role do nukes play in deterring terrorist attacks? State your connections clearly, because assuming that your reader knows what you're talking about makes your essay weaker.

Hope this helps!
Andrea A.
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https://www.grockit.com

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by mj41 » Sun Mar 28, 2010 8:17 pm
Thanks grockit_andrea your comments were extremely helpful. I will try to be more specific whie introducing each of my examples.

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