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by Koolnal » Sat Oct 03, 2009 8:54 am
Please provide feedback and areas for improvement! Your random act of kindness will be hugely appreciated! :)

Argument Essay:

The following appeared in a newspaper editorial during the holiday shopping season:

"Americans spend far too much of their time buying and consuming non-essential goods. Studies show that, on average Americans spend over a quarter of their leisure time shopping. As such, it is no secret why America is losing its competitive edge relative to other countries. Instead of spending their time productively, Americans are wasting time through frivolous consumption. In order to counteract this trend, Americans should spend more time focused on personal and communal development--by, for example, pursuing educational advancement or participating in volunteer opportunities."


The above statement states that Americans tend to spend majority of their time in the buying and consumption of non-essential goods and argues that the reason for the decline in competitiveness in America is due to time wasted on frivolous consumption instead of indulgence in productive work. Although the article has tried to attribute the decline in productivity of Americans to frivolous consumption by the use of several premises that point in that direction, the logic provided to support the same is highly flawed and tends to make several assumptions which are in some cases no way connected to the argument being presented.

The statement starts off with the statement that Americans spends too much time in the purchase and consumption of non-essential goods. To support this statement, the findings of a study are pointed which states that a quarter of the leisure time is spent in shopping. The statement makes the unjustified assumption that all the shopping time is used in the consumption of non-essential goods. Americans might be spending that time for the purchasing essential goods that might actually be contributing to increasing their productivity. Also the time spent in shopping might actually serve as a stress buster and increase the productivity of Americans.

Secondly, the statement lists that the reason for America's decline in competitiveness is due to time spent on non-essential good shopping. This reasoning is highly flawed as the competitiveness of a country is reliant on a number of factors such as working laws and regulations, churn rate of innovations and spending power of citizens in a country. The above statement in fact serves to counters the purpose of this assumption; If people spend their money in shopping, it actually boosts the economy as money is pumped in and these are signs that indicate towards a full-fledged booming economy where people have the money to spend on goods.

Finally, the statement rebukes this trend and goes on to say that it can be counteracted by spending more times focused on personal and communal development. While the latter activities are ofcourse beneficial for individuals and the country, it cannot be said that they are both activities on the opposite sides of a pole. People can balance their time on both development activities as well as indulge in shopping during their leisure time. Also there is no evidence stated that by indulging in development activities, the frivolous consumption levels of Americans have gone low.

The above argument is seriously flawed and has failed to show the causal effect that frivolous consumption leads to a productivity loss and competitiveness decline. The statement could be remedied by providing evidence which show the causal effect of frivolous consumption and productivity decline and also provide a better evidence indicate the productivity levels of Americans.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by vaibhav.iit2002 » Thu Oct 08, 2009 5:00 am
This is pretty good and should act as a confidence booster. :)

Coincidentally I wrote essay on same topic. :P

https://www.beatthegmat.com/first-essay- ... 46059.html

As I am not an experts in rating an essay, I'll leave that job to the experts of this community.

All The Best.
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