Top 10 applicant - how to tell my story?

[g00gler]

Profile: 750 Gmat, 5 years of experience (2 in a boutique consulting firm, 3 in analysis for high-tech), female.

I am applying to top 10 schools (Haas and MIT Sloan are on top of the list right now). I spent 5 years in data analysis in fields ranging from energy to HR to computer infrastructure. I'd like to start a consulting company that provides data analysis for a specific sector, where I hope business school would help me find that perfect sector/niche. Having gone to a few MBA forums, it seems the story is not strong enough. One suggestion that my recommender gave is to play off my consulting gig in energy as it is a changing market with an ever-growing demand, and build my 3 years in high tech as getting more quantitative/leadership skills. I do belief energy is a potential field for me to go into (market for long-term options is one area of interest) - would this make a good "story"? Any other advice would be greatly appreciated.

[TomV]

Hi Googler,

When I was applying to business school last year, I took someone's advice and wrote my first draft to the question, "Why I want to go to business school", with a story that 'made sense'. Because the idea was forced, I had the most difficulty trying to finish this essay until I finally decided to chuck the story that 'made sense'. Then I wrote a unique and genuine story about what I believed was the real reason I wanted an MBA.

My suggestion is to go with what you believe is the real reason you want an MBA because when you honest material admissions can really tell - and usually like it. That said, in your essay, I would pick an area that you want to consult in and not say that you hope to figure this out in business school.
I'd be happy to send you my first essay as an example. Contact me directly via email if you're interested in checking it out and talking further.