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Please Rate my essay........ Its my first One.

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by anindya714 » Wed Apr 14, 2010 3:15 am
Read the statement(s) and the instructions that follow, and then make any notes that will help you plan your response. Begin typing your response in the box at the bottom of the screen.
"Despite the convenience of distance learning and online educational programs, they will never replace in-class instruction."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.



ANSWER:

Once when I was away for college, I called my dad to explain to me a certain type of heat engine over the phone. Well, it did not work. My dad is a master in Heat Engines who used to mesmerize me with his concepts and grasp over the basics. He would draw a single line diagram, no more and no less, to illustrate the entire problem and with almost a magical 'poof' the problem used to unfold itself. His students used to call him Merlin. But the challenge proved to be quite difficult when I called him up before an exam. He must have understood the problem but my inability in comprehending the 'line diagram' almost took me to the point of cursing Edison.

Well, nothing can certainly take the place of a good old classroom, complete with the Blackboard, chalk and the magician we better know as the teacher. It is not only the the teachers presence but also the atmosphere of the classroom, that contributes to the enchanting experience we call learning. The respect, the admiration, the feeling of being in the presence of the knowledgeable and of course, sometimes even the fear grips us and makes us ready for the journey of learning.

Someone said that knowledge has no limit so in the quest of seeking knowledge, just imagine, how much we have to travel if we strictly believe in the view that i mentioned before. It is certainly not possible for every body to afford such expensive classes taken by Nobel Prize winners. Similarly it is also not possible for all Nobel Prize winners to come and teach in one school. This gap can only and only be bridged by distance learning.

Distance learning is a mean to carry knowledge far and wide for we certainly do not have the right to keep it for ourselves. With the help of distance learning, of course all people will not get the chance of the elite education in elite schools, but at least they will get to know what goes on there. Online learning programs today can even give you a virtual experience of a distant classroom. Instead of imparting knowledge in classrooms to the locally and economically privileged, distance learning has made the attempt to reach to the masses.

So the question remains, can we create geniuses with distance learning? I can only say, "Only Time will tell."
_____________
Anindya Biswas
Metallurgist
India
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by becnil » Fri Apr 16, 2010 10:38 pm
Your starting para was pretty good, whereby it seemed that you were going to agree with the notion. However, after two body paras, you switched your stand. From my understanding and experience in preparing for the AWA, I think it will be better if you take a clear stand at the very beginning and then explain your supporting points in the body paras. You may mention one point against your stand, to acknowledge the other side, but then you will have to refute that point by giving some strong supports. This way, you will systematically develop your essay with a clear stand, either in favor or against the argument.

Also, since this is your first one, try to re-read it now and see how many grammatical mistakes you made (spelling, incomplete sentence, wrong punctuations etc) and try not to make them in the next one.
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