Please Evaluate this Analysis of an argument - First attempt

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Argument: The autonomy of any country is based on the strength of its borders; if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangered. Because illegal immigrants pose such threats, every effort must be made to return them to their country of origin

Analysis:

The argument claims that the automony of a Nation depends on the strength of its borders and hence, illegal immigrants must be checked to enter its borders. Stated this way, the argument relies heavily on unverified assumptions to substatiate an extreme conclusion.

First, the argument states that the automony of a nation is based on the strength of its borders. Though the strength of the borders is one of the factor that has an effect on the autonomy of the nation, it is not the deciding factor. According to me the autonomy of the nation is decided from within , rather than from outside. In recent times, Civil wars that take place within a country has impacted the autonomy of nations much more than a threat in the borders has. For example, Srilanka, which has no threat on its borders, fights for its autonomy due to the internal civil war but , other the other hand, India which faces a major threat in its borders is strongly autonomous.

Second, the argument claims that the illegal immigrants pose a major threat on a nation's identity and economy. This is highly unsubstatiated. The real world situation suggests otherwise. Countries, such as France and India, are not affected by allowing the illegal immigrants to stay. Infact the illegal immigrants help in developing a multicultural identity to a nation and contribute to the nation's economy.

Morever, the author concludes that the illegal immigrants should not be allowed in the borders based on the reasons mentioned earlier. Apart from basing the argument on the unsupported evidences, the author also forgets to consider the difficulty involved in packing them back to their own countries. Sending the illegal immigrants back will not only have a significant ecnomic impact but also it will take a toll on the countries image as it will be looked upon as an inhuman behaviour.

In conclusion, the argument is highly flawed because the evidences on which it is based are highly debatable and the conclusion is too extreme to be acceptable. The author could have strengthened his argument by substatiating his evidences with some solid proof.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by Brent@GMATPrepNow » Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:41 am
Hi winnerhere,

Your writing is great - easily in the 5-6 range.

However, it's difficult to evaluate your ideas since the essay prompt is not really a GMAT-style prompt. In fact, it almost reads like an issue passage.

Your essay reads like an opinion piece as well (which is understandable, given the prompt).

I always recommend that students use one of the official essay prompts. First, the argument prompts will give you more "ammunition" than the prompt you used. Plus there's a 100% chance that you will get one of the official prompts on test day, so why not practice with the official materials.

You can download the official materials at:
Argument Topics link: https://www.mba.com/the-gmat/test-struct ... 00606.ashx

Issue Topics link: https://www.mba.com/the-gmat/test-struct ... 00606.ashx

Cheers,
Brent
Brent Hanneson - Creator of GMATPrepNow.com
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by winnerhere » Sat Jun 04, 2011 8:35 pm
H Brent,

Thanks a lot. That boosts my confidence in writing the essays :)

I will go through the links that you gave :)

Thanks,
Sai

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