Argument Essay - Please Rate

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Argument Essay - Please Rate

by amishra » Wed Sep 23, 2009 12:30 pm
"A recent survey commissioned by the market research department of XY Gen Stores indicated a high level of recognition among consumers of the brand and the nature of the apparel sold in XY Gen Stores. However, the survey also indicated that approximately 60% of those surveyed that recognized the name of XY Gen Stores had never shopped at one of the company's stores. Because of this result, XY Gen Stores executives should launch a significant rebranding and marketing campaign to change the company's image and thereby bring new consumers into the stores.

RESPONSE:
The argument that store executives should launch a significant rebranding and marketing campaign to change the company's image and to bring new customers to its stores is seriously flawed. The argument is based on some assumptions, which are not backed up by concrete evidence. To make a strong argument more details about the survey should be provided.

First, the argument jumps to a conclusion based on a percentage i.e 60%. It is not clear exactly how many people were surveyed in total. In absence of this information it is difficult to determine if the survey reflects a significant population or not; for example 60% of 10 is 6, but 60% of 10,0000 is 6000. The argument will be strengthened if if provides information about the total number of people surveyed.

Second, even if we assume that 60% represents a significant population, the argument arrives at a conslusion based on the fact that none of the consumers represented in 60% shop in stores. However, the argument fails to take into consideration that some of these consumers might be shopping online. If this is true the argument falls apart because the percentage on which the argument is based on will become irrelevent. Thus, the argument will will be strengthened if it confirms that the consumers represented by 60% are in store shoppers only or that XY Gen Stores only sell apparel in stores.

Third, the argument fails to provide more information about the individual effect of rebranding and marketing on the shopping characteristics. The argument states that 60% of those surveyed said that they recognize the store but dont stop to shop in one of company's store. This statement fails to highlight what is most responsible for customers not shopping, the type of brands, the store location or the marketing. It is important to find the root cause of the problem before a conclusion is drawn. Hence, the argument will be strengthened if it provided a detailed break up of those surveyed by:
1. Those who did not like the brands
2. Those who did not know the location of stores
3. Those who know either one of the two and those who did not

In conclusion, the argument based on which the conclusion is drawn has some inherent flaws. It is important to correct these flaws before a strong case can be made for rebranding and new marketing campaign as explained above.[/b]
Last edited by amishra on Wed Sep 23, 2009 5:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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by KapTeacherEli » Wed Sep 23, 2009 3:09 pm
Excellent essay; well written, well though, and following a clear plan. I have a few points that might make it stronger, however!

1: Kaplan recommends that your introduction break down the entire argument. Though you mention it briefly in P1, you didn't actually describe the survey upon which the conclusion was based until your second paragraph.

2: I'm not a huge fan of breaking out of prose form into a list, as you do when describing how to strengthen the argument

3. Reader's are smart enough to know that 60% of 10 is 6. You're example is a great one, but the language you used to describe it came off as a bit condescending :-)

Also, while it doesn't necessarily detract from your essay, you did miss a major flaw in the argument: the author states that 60% of people didn't shop at XY Gen, but doesn't actually provide any evidence that this is bad! If their competitors have non-visitation at a 90% rate, the survey might in fact prove that XY Gen's marketing is working!

Still, don't let my tips discourage you--you have a very solid essay. You do exactly what you should do: find flaws, provide clear examples to back them up, and organize them using clear structure. Great job!
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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by amishra » Wed Sep 23, 2009 3:20 pm
Eli,

Thanks for the pointers, i will keep them in mind for my next practice test.

I had a feeling that numbering will not work, but I just wanted to try it out and get some reaction from the community.

Abhishek

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