Analysis of an Issue for your help to review, please

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Dear all,

I've just finished my first AWA. Appreciate your kind help to review and comments so that I can improve my skill for the comming test. Thanks a lot!

Issue:
"The producers of movies and television programs have a responsibility to provide enetertainment that educates the public amd upholds societal standards."

Answer:

Though the public is, to some extent, affected by the movies and television program, the statement is too heavy to the producers of movies and television program when saying that they have "responsibility" to provide entertainment that educates the public and upholds societal standard for the following reasons.

It is obvious that people's characteristic and concept are established during their participation in family, school and society. Despite their affect to the audience's feeling or knowledge, movies and television programs are inspired by the audience with their pre-determined personality. Hence, it is definitely not a producer's fault when someone acts like a movie.
The producers, who decide to involve in entertainment industry, are to entertain their audiences and to earn benefit from the audience's satisfactory. The fact that a movie would earn hundred millions dollars just because it is extremely funny, e.g. Hangover has proved how the audience was satisfied with a film without education elements.

Besides, while the statement says that the producers are responsible for upholding societal standard, it is obviously that the societal standard is one of important factors that affect the producers' products. Societal standard (for both mental and physical) is different from lower to higher classes in the society and that's why we always have fan and anti-fan clubs for a same movie or TV program. Hence, when the producers do not have the right to force all the people to love their movies, it is not the producers' responsibility to upholds societal standard.

Because of the above, we can find by ourselves that the producers definitely do not have responsibility to create an entertainment to educate or uphold standard of society, but they are responsible for the audience's criticism and judgement.

End.
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by Anurag@Gurome » Thu Aug 11, 2011 9:01 pm
chinguyen1210 wrote:Dear all,

I've just finished my first AWA. Appreciate your kind help to review and comments so that I can improve my skill for the comming test. Thanks a lot!

Issue:
"The producers of movies and television programs have a responsibility to provide enetertainment that educates the public amd upholds societal standards."

Answer:

Though the public is, to some extent, affected by the movies and television program, the statement is too heavy to the producers of movies and television program when saying that they have "responsibility" to provide entertainment that educates the public and upholds societal standard for the following reasons.

It is obvious that people's characteristic and concept are established during their participation in family, school and society. Despite their affect to the audience's feeling or knowledge, movies and television programs are inspired by the audience with their pre-determined personality. Hence, it is definitely not a producer's fault when someone acts like a movie.
The producers, who decide to involve in entertainment industry, are to entertain their audiences and to earn benefit from the audience's satisfactory. The fact that a movie would earn hundred millions dollars just because it is extremely funny, e.g. Hangover has proved how the audience was satisfied with a film without education elements.

Besides, while the statement says that the producers are responsible for upholding societal standard, it is obviously that the societal standard is one of important factors that affect the producers' products. Societal standard (for both mental and physical) is different from lower to higher classes in the society and that's why we always have fan and anti-fan clubs for a same movie or TV program. Hence, when the producers do not have the right to force all the people to love their movies, it is not the producers' responsibility to upholds societal standard.

Because of the above, we can find by ourselves that the producers definitely do not have responsibility to create an entertainment to educate or uphold standard of society, but they are responsible for the audience's criticism and judgement.

End.
Though the public is, to some extent, affected by the movies and television program, the statement is too heavy to the producers of movies and television program when saying that they have "responsibility" to provide entertainment that educates the public and upholds societal standard for the following reasons.

Comment: Opening paragraph is a little underwhelming and has an idiom error:... is too heavy to the producers..."

It is obvious that people's characteristic and concept are established during their participation in family, school and society. Despite their affect to the audience's feeling or knowledge, movies and television programs are inspired by the audience with their pre-determined personality. Hence, it is definitely not a producer's fault when someone acts like a movie.

Comment: Some deficiencies in grammar and writing style. The paragraph starts out with a promising argument but does not develop the argument well enough.

The producers, who decide to involve in entertainment industry, are to entertain their audiences and to earn benefit from the audience's satisfactory. The fact that a movie would earn hundred millions dollars just because it is extremely funny, e.g. Hangover has proved how the audience was satisfied with a film without education elements.

Comment: Unidiomatic sentence structure and grammar/style errors. Undeveloped argument.

Besides, while the statement says that the producers are responsible for upholding societal standard, it is obviously that the societal standard is one of important factors that affect the producers' products. Societal standard (for both mental and physical) is different from lower to higher classes in the society and that's why we always have fan and anti-fan clubs for a same movie or TV program. Hence, when the producers do not have the right to force all the people to love their movies, it is not the producers' responsibility to upholds societal standard.

Because of the above, we can find by ourselves that the producers definitely do not have responsibility to create an entertainment to educate or uphold standard of society, but they are responsible for the audience's criticism and judgement.

Overall Comments: Reasonable length and good attempt at structuring the essay. Arguments are not developed well enough. Many grammar and style errors. The essay may garner a 4, optimistcally speaking.
Anurag Mairal, Ph.D., MBA
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Gurome, Inc.
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