Hey everyone - I'm taking the GMAT Monday and feel comfortable with the quant, verbal and IR. I'm still a little worried about the AWA. I would love some feedback on my essay. In the below practice essay I ended up including a lot of information and had a long essay, but in the end I ran out of time and did not feel I had enough time to proof read or improve the essay. Please let me know if you think I would be better off aiming for a shorter essay and leaving more time to neaten it up. Thank you in advance!! 
The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial:
"Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year's graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
In the preceding statement, the author claims the recent decline in the school dropout rate at Nova High School was due to the introduction of interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. Based on this claim, the author states the school board should allocate more funds in future budgets to computers and the entire district should adopt interactive computer instruction to the curriculum. While the author's claim may well hold true, and increased computer instruction would have a positive impact on the district's students, the argument is poorly reasoned and is based on several questionable premises and assumptions. Based solely on the information provided by the author, we cannot accept the conclusion to be valid.
The primary issue with the author's argument is it is based on several assumptions that remain unproven. First off, the author assumes the decline in school drop out rate was an immediate effect of the introduction of interactive computer instruction. The computer instruction was only introduced in three academic subjects and the author does not even state which grade levels utilized computer instruction. In order to decrease the school dropout rate, one would think a long-term plan would need to be established to develop a strong enough base to decline the school drop out rate. Also, based on the author's statement that "last year's graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college," the reader is led to believe the academic class was an outlier for this district and had a large group of children that were devoted to school. The author also claims the entire district should adopt interactive computer interactive throughout the curriculum. Because the author assumed the introduction of interaction computer instruction had a positive impact on the high school students, it would have the same impact on all others students in the district. The author has no information that supports computer instruction being beneficial to children of all ages, let alone that it is beneficial of high school students.
An additional issue with the author's argument lies in his unsubstantiated premises. Because of the recent decline in school drop out rate for the district, the author feels the district should devote more money to computers and the entire district should add computer instruction to the curriculum. The author provides no information supporting that computer instruction would be the best use of the districts funds. Perhaps the district has an above average drop out rate due to lack of books, poor quality in the condition of their schools, or does not offer a large enough variety of classes that pertain to the student's interests. While the school experienced a recent decline in the dropout rate, this could be a result of a variety of factors, and is not necessarily a direct result of computer instruction in three subjects.
While the author's argument has several key weaknesses, that does not mean the entire argument is without base. If the author provided additional information in support of computer instruction, such as a similar district in the area has extensively tested the software and seen positive results, the reader would be more easily convinced that the entire district should adopt this into the curriculum. In addition, if the author provided information directly relating to computer instruction having a positive effect on the students and proving it was a factor in the recent decline in drop out rate, the author's argument would be significantly improved.
In sum, the author fails to prove that interactive computer instruction would have a significant positive impact on the students in the district and validate his conclusion that the entire district should adopt the computer instruction. If the author were to provide additional research and validate his assumptions, the writer would be better able to validate his cause.
The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial:
"Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year's graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
In the preceding statement, the author claims the recent decline in the school dropout rate at Nova High School was due to the introduction of interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. Based on this claim, the author states the school board should allocate more funds in future budgets to computers and the entire district should adopt interactive computer instruction to the curriculum. While the author's claim may well hold true, and increased computer instruction would have a positive impact on the district's students, the argument is poorly reasoned and is based on several questionable premises and assumptions. Based solely on the information provided by the author, we cannot accept the conclusion to be valid.
The primary issue with the author's argument is it is based on several assumptions that remain unproven. First off, the author assumes the decline in school drop out rate was an immediate effect of the introduction of interactive computer instruction. The computer instruction was only introduced in three academic subjects and the author does not even state which grade levels utilized computer instruction. In order to decrease the school dropout rate, one would think a long-term plan would need to be established to develop a strong enough base to decline the school drop out rate. Also, based on the author's statement that "last year's graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college," the reader is led to believe the academic class was an outlier for this district and had a large group of children that were devoted to school. The author also claims the entire district should adopt interactive computer interactive throughout the curriculum. Because the author assumed the introduction of interaction computer instruction had a positive impact on the high school students, it would have the same impact on all others students in the district. The author has no information that supports computer instruction being beneficial to children of all ages, let alone that it is beneficial of high school students.
An additional issue with the author's argument lies in his unsubstantiated premises. Because of the recent decline in school drop out rate for the district, the author feels the district should devote more money to computers and the entire district should add computer instruction to the curriculum. The author provides no information supporting that computer instruction would be the best use of the districts funds. Perhaps the district has an above average drop out rate due to lack of books, poor quality in the condition of their schools, or does not offer a large enough variety of classes that pertain to the student's interests. While the school experienced a recent decline in the dropout rate, this could be a result of a variety of factors, and is not necessarily a direct result of computer instruction in three subjects.
While the author's argument has several key weaknesses, that does not mean the entire argument is without base. If the author provided additional information in support of computer instruction, such as a similar district in the area has extensively tested the software and seen positive results, the reader would be more easily convinced that the entire district should adopt this into the curriculum. In addition, if the author provided information directly relating to computer instruction having a positive effect on the students and proving it was a factor in the recent decline in drop out rate, the author's argument would be significantly improved.
In sum, the author fails to prove that interactive computer instruction would have a significant positive impact on the students in the district and validate his conclusion that the entire district should adopt the computer instruction. If the author were to provide additional research and validate his assumptions, the writer would be better able to validate his cause.
