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Please review and score my AWA
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Please review and score my AWA
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Katharine@GMATPrepNow
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If you post your response in the forum, I'd be happy to review it for you!
Katharine Rudzitis - BA
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[email protected]
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Please review and score my AWA
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
"When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today.
Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single
location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees."
My Analysis: The argument that holds the field offices of Apogee Company solely responsible for its loss omits many other probable factors which must be addressed to substantiate the argument. Simply stating that Apogee company will be more profitable if it operates from one location doesn't provide strong support to the main argument.
The argument doesn't say anything about the other probable reasons of the loss of the Apogee company. For example if the branch offices had been set up at wrong locations without proper market survey of that area this might have been a major reason of their failure. The argument also doesn't throw any light on the measures adopted to bring business to the branch offices. If proper methods were adopted to bring business to the branch offices they might have been proved as asset to the company. Most importantly if the reasons of the loss of the company are something else like less demand, better competitor then cutting down the field offices will not have any positive impact. Also the logic put forward by the argument that closing down branch offices will improve profitability by cutting cost and facilitating better supervision of employee is a very weak attempt to support the main argument. Closing off the branch offices might reduce the cost temporarily but it can't contribute towards the profit of the company in the long run as this means cutting down the future business prospects. Also better employee supervision can be attained in the field offices too with proper planning and leadership. One more major drawback of having office at only one location is the risk of losing business for a long time if anything goes wrong with that office. Field offices can act as disaster recovery centres in case of any natural or other major technical disasters occur in the central office.
Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the
areas discussed above instead of making the branch offices fully responsible for the loss of Apogee company, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
"When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today.
Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single
location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees."
My Analysis: The argument that holds the field offices of Apogee Company solely responsible for its loss omits many other probable factors which must be addressed to substantiate the argument. Simply stating that Apogee company will be more profitable if it operates from one location doesn't provide strong support to the main argument.
The argument doesn't say anything about the other probable reasons of the loss of the Apogee company. For example if the branch offices had been set up at wrong locations without proper market survey of that area this might have been a major reason of their failure. The argument also doesn't throw any light on the measures adopted to bring business to the branch offices. If proper methods were adopted to bring business to the branch offices they might have been proved as asset to the company. Most importantly if the reasons of the loss of the company are something else like less demand, better competitor then cutting down the field offices will not have any positive impact. Also the logic put forward by the argument that closing down branch offices will improve profitability by cutting cost and facilitating better supervision of employee is a very weak attempt to support the main argument. Closing off the branch offices might reduce the cost temporarily but it can't contribute towards the profit of the company in the long run as this means cutting down the future business prospects. Also better employee supervision can be attained in the field offices too with proper planning and leadership. One more major drawback of having office at only one location is the risk of losing business for a long time if anything goes wrong with that office. Field offices can act as disaster recovery centres in case of any natural or other major technical disasters occur in the central office.
Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the
areas discussed above instead of making the branch offices fully responsible for the loss of Apogee company, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.
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Katharine@GMATPrepNow
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Hello [email protected],
Thanks for posting your response!
Writing: Your sentences tend to be long and complex. It's easier for the reader to understand concise sentences, so try to cut down when possible. I'm not sure what you mean by "something else like less demand, better competitor then cutting down the field offices will not have any positive impact." Are you trying to say that less demand and better competitors could have reduced profits? You start several sentences with "Also," but I think that you can find a better way to begin new ideas.
Structure: In your intro, you could have a clearer summary of the author's argument. Again, your long, complicated sentences are sometimes difficult to follow. Make sure to separate out your body paragraphs. This response looks like a three paragraph essay, but I think you meant to split up the large middle paragraph into at least two smaller ones. The conclusion was short and to the point, which is good.
Arguments/Examples: You made several reasonable arguments about why the author's reasoning has flaws. I liked how you addressed the issue of cutting costs and of boosting employee supervision. I think that you should focus more on writing style and your intro, and I don't think that you should worry about finding good arguments. You seem to be good at picking apart the prompt and finding flaws.
Suggestions for Improvement: Pay attention to your sentences and make sure they're clear. Practice writing a strong intro that shows the reader how well you understand the prompt. Make sure you have at least two distinct body paragraphs. I think that you should do another practice AWA so you can improve in these areas. For some examples of how to write a great response, check out our free video https://www.gmatprepnow.com/module/gmat- ... ent?id=771 on GMAT Prep Now.
Thanks for posting your response!
Writing: Your sentences tend to be long and complex. It's easier for the reader to understand concise sentences, so try to cut down when possible. I'm not sure what you mean by "something else like less demand, better competitor then cutting down the field offices will not have any positive impact." Are you trying to say that less demand and better competitors could have reduced profits? You start several sentences with "Also," but I think that you can find a better way to begin new ideas.
Structure: In your intro, you could have a clearer summary of the author's argument. Again, your long, complicated sentences are sometimes difficult to follow. Make sure to separate out your body paragraphs. This response looks like a three paragraph essay, but I think you meant to split up the large middle paragraph into at least two smaller ones. The conclusion was short and to the point, which is good.
Arguments/Examples: You made several reasonable arguments about why the author's reasoning has flaws. I liked how you addressed the issue of cutting costs and of boosting employee supervision. I think that you should focus more on writing style and your intro, and I don't think that you should worry about finding good arguments. You seem to be good at picking apart the prompt and finding flaws.
Suggestions for Improvement: Pay attention to your sentences and make sure they're clear. Practice writing a strong intro that shows the reader how well you understand the prompt. Make sure you have at least two distinct body paragraphs. I think that you should do another practice AWA so you can improve in these areas. For some examples of how to write a great response, check out our free video https://www.gmatprepnow.com/module/gmat- ... ent?id=771 on GMAT Prep Now.
Katharine Rudzitis - BA
on hiatus until further notice
We have plans to suit every learning style and budget:
- Self-directed video course
- Private online tutoring from 99th-percentile experts
- Combination packages with video course & private tutoring
- Every plan includes 5 full-length practice tests
- Use our video course with Beat The GMAT's free 60-Day Study Guide
- We have dozens of free videos to try out before buying
on hiatus until further notice
We have plans to suit every learning style and budget:
- Self-directed video course
- Private online tutoring from 99th-percentile experts
- Combination packages with video course & private tutoring
- Every plan includes 5 full-length practice tests
- Use our video course with Beat The GMAT's free 60-Day Study Guide
- We have dozens of free videos to try out before buying
