My first ever written GMAT Essay, can you help?

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Group #1: Analysis of Issue
The desire of corporations to maximize profits creates conflict with the general welfare of the nation at large.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations or reading.

The issue of the welfare of the nation is complex. There are many factors that influence the general welfare of the nation. However, I strongly disagree with above presented opinion. In fact, corporations create significant part of national welfare. The author's argument is flawed in several ways. She did not present any evidence and it is not clear what kind of conflict she meant.

First, when companies maximize profits, they usually pay higher taxes and thus increase the general welfare of the nation by contributing to the federal budget. On the other hand companies may try to increase only after tax profits and thus pay less taxes. Companies may also try to hide real profits and pay less taxes. Nevertheless, we can not base the argument on unsupported opinion.

Second, profitable corporations may create new jobs and support development of the society. If they create new jobs, more people can earn a living. These employees pay taxes and thus contribute to the general welfare of the nation. For example, the goal of decrease in the rate of unemployment can be reached by private sector.

Third, profitable corporations are able to pay dividends to shareholders. Shareholders are likely to spend part of their income on consumption, which increases general welfare of the nation at large.

To sum up, author did not present evidence so we should treat her argument as an opinion. The author failed to recognize positive relationship between welfare of corporations and welfare of the nation at large. Moreover she failed to clarify what kind of conflict she meant. Therefore, we must strongly disagree with above presented opinion.


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by uwhusky » Sun Sep 05, 2010 7:03 am
Only thing I would say is that Analysis of Issue essay is always one sentence argument, thus it's not possible to provide strong evidence, if any, for the argument. If this was the first essay and you point out that the argument is weak for lacking more support, then yes it would be a great approach. But I don't think it helps to point out the obvious that the author did not cite evidence.

Overall, I like your style, but I think it would be better if you remove above reference and perhaps cite another example or two to increase the length, which is always good for AWA essays.

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