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thegmatexperience
- Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts
- Posts: 24
- Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2012 12:29 pm
Hello there,
another essay, same template. Took me 40 minutes to write it and I am grateful for every critique.
The following appeared in a memorandum written by the chair of the music department to the president of Omega University:
"Mental health experts have observed that symptoms of mental illness are less pronounced in many patients after group music-therapy sessions, and job openings in the music-therapy field have increased during the past year. Consequently, graduates from our degree program for music therapists should have no trouble finding good positions. To help improve the financial status of Omega University, we should therefore expand our music-therapy degree program by increasing its enrollment targets."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
In the preceding statement, the author claims that the music therapy degree program of Omega University should be expanded by increasing the program's enrollment targets in order to improve the financiel status of the university.
Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence the author offers, his argument that the Omega university's financial status can be improved by improving the enrollment target of their music-therapy degree program cannot be accepted as valid.
The primary issue with the author's reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises.
The author states that mental illness symptoms are not that severe after music therapy sessions and job openings in the music-therapy field are increasing since the past years. But he omits to explain what the the symptoms consist of and how large the numbers of the job opening increase are. He also fails to describe the specific group of mentally ill patients.
Furthermore he says that graduates of the Omega university's degree program shouldn't have difficulties finding a job, but forgets to mention why the graduates could possibly have an advantage because of the degree offered by the Omega University and
what impact its influence would have on the job market.
The author's premises, the basis for his argument, lack any legitimate evidentiary support and render his conclusion unacceptable.
In addition, the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven.
He assumes that the expansion of music degree program leads to an improvement of the financial status. But only by expanding the program by improving its enrollment target doesn't necessarily mean that the university charges more money for the program and therefore can improve their financial status. It could also charge less for each and every student so that the money the university gets from the enrolled students would be the same as before or even less.
He also states that group music therapy sessions have a positive effect on symptoms of mentally ill patients. Since these are group sessions, some patients could only feel better because of the group therapy and its social aspects and not because of the music treatment.
The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links, firstly, between the expansion of the degree program and the improvement of the university's financial status, and secondly, between the group therapy and an improvement of the mentally ill patients, he assumes exist.
While the author has included various drawbacks into his argument's premises and assumptions, that is not to say that his entire argument is without base.
By naming some specific symptoms, a specific number of the increased job offers or by explaning what kind of advantages on the job market graduates would have because of completing the university's program, he could have improved his argument.
Though there are several issues with the author's reasoning at present, with research and clarification, he could improve his argument significantly.
In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid.
If the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds in the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.
another essay, same template. Took me 40 minutes to write it and I am grateful for every critique.
The following appeared in a memorandum written by the chair of the music department to the president of Omega University:
"Mental health experts have observed that symptoms of mental illness are less pronounced in many patients after group music-therapy sessions, and job openings in the music-therapy field have increased during the past year. Consequently, graduates from our degree program for music therapists should have no trouble finding good positions. To help improve the financial status of Omega University, we should therefore expand our music-therapy degree program by increasing its enrollment targets."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
In the preceding statement, the author claims that the music therapy degree program of Omega University should be expanded by increasing the program's enrollment targets in order to improve the financiel status of the university.
Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence the author offers, his argument that the Omega university's financial status can be improved by improving the enrollment target of their music-therapy degree program cannot be accepted as valid.
The primary issue with the author's reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises.
The author states that mental illness symptoms are not that severe after music therapy sessions and job openings in the music-therapy field are increasing since the past years. But he omits to explain what the the symptoms consist of and how large the numbers of the job opening increase are. He also fails to describe the specific group of mentally ill patients.
Furthermore he says that graduates of the Omega university's degree program shouldn't have difficulties finding a job, but forgets to mention why the graduates could possibly have an advantage because of the degree offered by the Omega University and
what impact its influence would have on the job market.
The author's premises, the basis for his argument, lack any legitimate evidentiary support and render his conclusion unacceptable.
In addition, the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven.
He assumes that the expansion of music degree program leads to an improvement of the financial status. But only by expanding the program by improving its enrollment target doesn't necessarily mean that the university charges more money for the program and therefore can improve their financial status. It could also charge less for each and every student so that the money the university gets from the enrolled students would be the same as before or even less.
He also states that group music therapy sessions have a positive effect on symptoms of mentally ill patients. Since these are group sessions, some patients could only feel better because of the group therapy and its social aspects and not because of the music treatment.
The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links, firstly, between the expansion of the degree program and the improvement of the university's financial status, and secondly, between the group therapy and an improvement of the mentally ill patients, he assumes exist.
While the author has included various drawbacks into his argument's premises and assumptions, that is not to say that his entire argument is without base.
By naming some specific symptoms, a specific number of the increased job offers or by explaning what kind of advantages on the job market graduates would have because of completing the university's program, he could have improved his argument.
Though there are several issues with the author's reasoning at present, with research and clarification, he could improve his argument significantly.
In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid.
If the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds in the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.
