PLEASE RATE MY ESSAY (AWA )

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PLEASE RATE MY ESSAY (AWA )

by animeshpanda » Mon Jan 10, 2011 8:31 pm
Hi all
I am gearing up for GMAT from Spain and this is the best way to come in touch with you all

Group #1: Analysis of Issue
The desire of corporations to maximize profits creates conflict with the general welfare of the nation at large.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations or reading.


The current topic deals directly with the long drawn debate between profit
maximisation versus general welfare of the community and in nation
macroscopically. Often, both issues can be seen supplementary to each
other, as more revenue generated by the company leads to more
government revenue and thereby giving heavy boost to the gross
domestic product of the nation. More profit also whips the bullish nature of
the share market with investor going gaga over the performance of the
company. But on a deeper note, a highly profiteering company showing
gains on a quarter basis does not show the general welfare of the
community it is directly associated with. Various reasons could amplify the
doubt.

Firstly, the profit is surely a monetary concept. Profit is Revenue earned by
company with costs deduced. Quite often profit is shown as a profit after
tax deduction also. Either the company might increase the revenues or
reduce the costs , here is where problem begins. IN a world where
competition is rife and wastes are deeply checked, it is the employees
which are at the mercy of the company exchequer, surviving at a salary
much lower than what is called "sufficient" for family maintenance , a huge
number of people being employed at a minimal salary does not show a
welfare scenario.

Secondly, most companies in the rat race of profit maximisation involve a
hire and fire scenario of employment , which nags directly with the ideals
of socialism. Employees, and mostly working class communities are
rendered jobless with low experience at hand and lack of confidence
because of this.

Thirdly, in order to save oneself from being stripped off the job, most
employees have to prioritize their professional life over everything, which
implies detached family life, and involvement in wagging politics and some
illegal activities which truly show the harsh picture of various IT and BPO
sectors operating from Bangalore in India or Shanghai in China. There is
no welfare in acting like a well dressed "Horse in the ring".

Fourthly, although more returns to the government in the form of corporate
tax may be marred if the company buys treasury bills and government
bonds, which are tax free. As a result , government is pressurized to give
certain interest to these companies which is straight pressure on reserve
banks treasury. A situation like this is already being seen in Portugal
where after long phase of recession, only recently the government has
been able to offer interest rates as equal to the costumer deposit rate.

In sum, one can clearly say that capitalism and its principles come with a fair share of
advantages , but when socialist aspects are compromised, it has to be
lampooned off. Government has a strong role to play in protection of
community in determining the minimum wage to suffice their lives. The
nations progress is not seen fully from bullish share market but if the
common man gets his daily meal and sufficient sleep , to contribute
strongly to the soceity.



Thank you all !
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by arora007 » Sat Jan 15, 2011 2:30 am
DONT use slangs & cliches "investor going gaga" & "rat race" in your case respectively.
"acting like a well dressed "Horse in the ring""
Such sentences will not be appreciated by the human reader.

It would also be really helpful for the reader/ereader software to outright mention that you agree, partly agree, do not agree with the Issue at hand.

IN a world where competition is rife and wastes are deeply checked, it is the employees which are at the mercy of the company exchequer, surviving at a salary much lower than what is called "sufficient" for family maintenance , a huge number of people being employed at a minimal salary does not show a welfare scenario.

can we have shorter sentences ? more transition words?

Good examples though, Ideas are well presented.

Do have some time in hand to review. "IN a world where" should have been "In a world where"


Overall, with very little efforts I can see this 4.5 essay becoming a 5.5.
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