Evaluate: Analysis of Issue

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Evaluate: Analysis of Issue

by loveusonu » Sat May 22, 2010 2:52 am
Hi,

I gave MGMAT today and got a 710 score. I am all set to give GMAT this thursday.
The last thing I want from this beautiful forum, which has boosted by score, is to evaluate my below Essay and any improvements that can be done.

ESSAY QUESTION:
"Since no business can be all things at once, companies that specialize in one product or service are more efficient than those that offer a diverse product mix."

From your perspective, how accurate is the above statement? Support your position with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

YOUR RESPONSE:
According to Author, Businesses that specialize in single product or service are more effecient than those that offer a a diverse products. The issue is similar to breadth v/s deapth business model. Though the author's point is quite controversial, I would like to agree with author and consider the the business that specialize on single product or service more efficient because of following reasons.

Firstly, every business should have a priority and a single priority wil lead to more efficiency that the multiple one. Focusing on one product will lead to more technological advances than diverting the focus on other products. In today's world, technological advances sets a standards for other competitor to follow and, hence, bring out more efficient business processes and results.

Secondly, focusing on different products might divert the attention or priorities to different stream and hence will not lead to master a particular product area. Its been widely known that time required for descision by managers is inversely propotional to number of variables involves. Focusing on one area of product or services will minimize those parameters and sets out a faster and effecient descision making and, eventually, have a effecient businesses processes.

You might say that every businesses processes is dependence on other sources such as raw material etc. and if a business has division in same area will lead to minimize of cost of raw material. However, the benefit to cost ratio would be too low in such scneario than in managing single business efficiently.

Thus I conclude that specializing in one product or services are more efficient than those business that offer a diverse product mix.
Sonu
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When you want something desperately, the whole Universe conspires in helping to give it to you - The Alchemist
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by grockit_andrea » Sat May 22, 2010 10:24 am
Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to rate this higher than a 3 if I were one of the graders. Your organization is good, but there are some flaws that you need to address in order to increase your score.

1. Use examples to support your points. Real-life examples drawn from history, business, or current events will make your essay much stronger and more convincing. Examples also allow you to increase the length of your essay, which studies show will boost your score.

2. Leave time to edit. You have typos throughout-- missing words, repeated words, misspellings, etc. One or two of those won't make a difference, but if they're so prevalent that they become distracting, your score will suffer.

3. Review and apply some concepts of grammar. Your subject/verb agreement and placement (or lack thereof) of words like "the" and "a" is incorrect in multiple parts of the essay.

Overall, you seem to have a good sense of the framework of the assignment-- strongly organization and a clearly stated thesis-- but your mechanics and support need some work. Apply the same diligence to preparing for the essay that you applied to your verbal and quant scores, and you should be able to improve your essay writing significantly.
Andrea A.
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by loveusonu » Sat May 22, 2010 12:17 pm
grockit_andrea wrote:you have a good sense of the framework of the assignment but your mechanics and support need some work. Apply the same diligence to preparing for the essay...
Hi Andrea,
Thanks for the indepth review.

I started working on your comments(for both the essays). Could you please elaborate the above point and suggest some ways to work on this area?
Sonu
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by grockit_andrea » Sat May 22, 2010 1:13 pm
Regarding support for your argument, I'd suggest spending some time each week reading business or news publications to become better acquainted with current events in politics, finance, industry, etc, all of which can be used as evidence to support your essay's thesis. Reading these in English will also help you polish your idiom usage, which was sometimes incorrect in your essay. As far as mechanics, review grammar concepts such as the ones I mentioned in my third point; a general English grammar book may be of help, but also just reading well-written text will help you grasp the customary usage of words and phrases. Idioms are especially key, so make a point of studying those, which will also help in your SCs.
Andrea A.
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