Issue Essay - Kaplan - Please review

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Issue Essay - Kaplan - Please review

by Rezinka » Fri May 13, 2011 6:55 pm
Issue:
"The invention of the Internet has created more problems than it has solved. Most people would have a higher quality of life had the Internet never been invented."

My response:
Every invention has its positives and negatives. It is the usage that defines whether an invention is a boon or not and I believe that the internet has been a boon and that it has led to a better quality of life.

The internet has fostered global communication. With the use of the technology, the world has become a smaller place. It has made easier the path of globalization. Earlier, a company would preferably work within the limits of town or city because it would be difficult to control distant areas. Today, a company can have a corporate office at New Delhi and three regional offices at Bengaluru, Singapore and New Jersey and all four can be managed with equal ease by way of ease of communication and monitoring using the internet.

The same globalization has helped the developing nations in a big way. The IT industry, which is a huge contributor to the Gross Domestic Product, thrives on outsourcing. It is with the use of internet that clients based out of Silicon Valley can outsource their work to Bengaluru, the technological hub of India, and can boost the profitability of both the places. It has, thus, solved the problem of communication over a distance.

With the development of internet, a lot have people have started working and earning out of it. Almost all areas such as banks, corporates and government organizations use the internet but some such as social networking and online work are based solely out of internet. Social networking sites are a multi-million dollar industry today. Also, for people wanting to work from home, sites like Odesk have created a world of new possibilities. This has given people better opportunities to work and create a better quality of life.

The major disadvantage that the internet has is that confidential information such as a person's personal information or a country's security related information can be leaked on the internet. However, this is done by people with malicious intentions. Such problems will exist even if the internet doesn't. Only the medium will change. Anyway, this can also be stopped. If people are more careful when posting confidential information on the internet and verifying the sites before entering any such details, no harm can come of it.

Finally, I believe that the internet has solved many more problems than those it has created and it has bolstered a better quality of life by giving people better ways of earning. In the end, it is the use of a technology that truly defines what it is.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by Brent@GMATPrepNow » Tue May 17, 2011 3:41 pm
Looks good, Rezinka
I'd give this a solid 5 - perhaps even 5.5

Cheers,
Brent
Brent Hanneson - Creator of GMATPrepNow.com
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by Rezinka » Tue May 17, 2011 8:46 pm
Thanks Brent. I am fine with essays now I guess. I think I should jus take the date now. Only thing is I took 32 min. for the essay.
Last edited by Rezinka on Wed May 18, 2011 3:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

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by tanviet » Wed May 18, 2011 1:28 am
FOLLOWING IS MY RESPONSE, PLEAE, HELP, SHOW ME THE ERROR. THANK A LOT.

Some persons think that internet creates more problems than it has solved. Other persos think that internet is more useful than harmful. This is complicated problem. I, however, agree that internet creates more bad problems than it is useful

First, internet offers very harmful and foul information. You can see that porn photos and video clips are much on the internet. This bad information is harmful for both adult and childrend. Before, there is no internet and the bad clips and photos are not available. Every person can access internet and can access the bad thing. Clearly this is not good

Second, the internet offer wrong information. Many information on the internet is not true. Because many personscan upload the information they want, the information is not
Correct. A person can upload a good information of the thing he or she likes and upload bad information of the thing he or she dislikes. This process makes much of information on the internet is not correct. Much of information is false or incorrect. Knowing this distorted information harms the readers.

Third, The internet creates health problem. The internet makeS the user weaker and in some cases, deseased. Because the user normally sit before the computer screen many hours, the user is not strong. The user has no more time to play outdoor. The user is not strong. For some users, sitting many hours before the screen creates sickness called computer sick. The sitting like that make backbone ache and other deaseases

Many perons said that despite the bad problems internet brings more good things. Somer perons think that much of information can be accessed easily with internet. I do not agree. All the good and useful information on the internet can be gathered from hard copies.

From all above points, I think that internet brings more problem than usfull thing. I think you will agree with me.

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by Rezinka » Sun May 22, 2011 9:21 am
Hi duongthang

While your essay has an approach, there are some serious grammatical issues. The most important thing in the essay is the grammar. First, I think, you should concentrate on getting the grammar right.

I suggest you to read more English and work on sentence correction. Once that is done and the syntax of the language is in place, it will be better to concentrate on the concentrate on the content.

Hope it helps !

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by Ahmed MS » Sun May 22, 2011 11:43 pm
Hi Rezinka,

So far my understanding about the topic is that internet has created more problems in human life rather than resolve those problems and you disagree with the statement. I think you have talked more about the usage of internet and what you can do by using internet.

You should provide more precise examples of how internet creates problem in our life (mention some problems for examples, addicted to games or pornography) and how internet solve the problems (the way we are getting help for our GMAT preparation through beat the GMAT website).

That's what I believe missing in your writing.

Cheers.

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by ArpanaAmishi » Wed Jun 01, 2011 11:55 pm
Both seems good, however later one could have more realistic oppsoing view.

First one is better in syntax and style.

All the best :-)

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