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sagarwa
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Please please rate my essay. I have my GMAT on 17th Dec '11. I need some feedback to understand where I stand and where I need to improve. Appreciate your help.
The following appeared in an article in a health and fitness magazine. "Laboratory studies show that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several of the minerals necessary for good health and that it is completely free of bacteria. Residents of Saluda, the small town where the water is bottled, are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. Even though Saluda Natural Spring Water may seem expensive, drinking it instead of tap water is a wise investment in good health." Discuss how well reasoned . . . Etc.
The author of the article claims that because the people in the nearby town have a lower average rate of hospitalization and because the water has been tested bacteria free in laboratory it is a requirement for healthy being. Clearly, the conclusion is based on many assumptions and doesn't provide enough reasons to convince the consumers for using the water from Saluda springs.
Firstly, the author mentions that the people in the Saluda town, where the water is bottled, are not hospitalized often because of the good quality of springs water. If people bottle the water, it doesn't mean they consume it too. If the water is expensive and the economic stature of the people is not high enough, they might not be consuming this water.
Secondly, less number of hospitalization doesn't mean people don't fall sick. There is a fair chance, that people do fall sick and take home remedies instead of visiting the hospitals most of the times. Also, the author should mention the statistics of diseases caused by water to those caused by any other reasons at other places to clearly justify that hospitalization in Saluda is less because of good quality water.
Lastly, the author concludes by saying that Saluda bottled water is better than tap water. This statement doesn't justify the consumption of Saluda water rather than any other bottled water. If Saluda water is expensive than any other bottled water, people would prefer other mineral water than Saluda bottled water.
The author's argument is considerable weekend by all of the above mentioned points. The author should provide justification to the points discussed to strengthen his argument.
The following appeared in an article in a health and fitness magazine. "Laboratory studies show that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several of the minerals necessary for good health and that it is completely free of bacteria. Residents of Saluda, the small town where the water is bottled, are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. Even though Saluda Natural Spring Water may seem expensive, drinking it instead of tap water is a wise investment in good health." Discuss how well reasoned . . . Etc.
The author of the article claims that because the people in the nearby town have a lower average rate of hospitalization and because the water has been tested bacteria free in laboratory it is a requirement for healthy being. Clearly, the conclusion is based on many assumptions and doesn't provide enough reasons to convince the consumers for using the water from Saluda springs.
Firstly, the author mentions that the people in the Saluda town, where the water is bottled, are not hospitalized often because of the good quality of springs water. If people bottle the water, it doesn't mean they consume it too. If the water is expensive and the economic stature of the people is not high enough, they might not be consuming this water.
Secondly, less number of hospitalization doesn't mean people don't fall sick. There is a fair chance, that people do fall sick and take home remedies instead of visiting the hospitals most of the times. Also, the author should mention the statistics of diseases caused by water to those caused by any other reasons at other places to clearly justify that hospitalization in Saluda is less because of good quality water.
Lastly, the author concludes by saying that Saluda bottled water is better than tap water. This statement doesn't justify the consumption of Saluda water rather than any other bottled water. If Saluda water is expensive than any other bottled water, people would prefer other mineral water than Saluda bottled water.
The author's argument is considerable weekend by all of the above mentioned points. The author should provide justification to the points discussed to strengthen his argument.
