-
thegmatexperience
- Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts
- Posts: 24
- Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2012 12:29 pm
Hello,
here is another essay. I would be very grateful to everybody giving constructive critique.
Details:
non-native English speaker
492 words
The following appeared in a memorandum to the work-group supervisors of the GBS Company:
"The CoffeeCart beverage and food service located in the lobby of our main office building is not earning enough in sales to cover its costs, and so the cart may discontinue operating at GBS. Given the low staff morale, as evidenced by the increase in the number of employees leaving the company, the loss of this service could present a problem, especially since the staff morale questionnaire showed widespread dissatisfaction with the snack machines. Therefore, supervisors should remind the employees in their group to patronize the cart-after all, it was leased for their convenience so that they would not have to walk over to the cafeteria on breaks."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
As satisfaction at the work location becomes more and more important, companies try everything to keep their staff by making their employees comfortable. Some companies buil a Kindergarden next to the company's building, some put a snack machine in their lobby.
In the preceding statement, the author claims that supervisors should encourage their employees to patronize with the CoffeCart located in the company's lobby because the only reason it is there is the comfort of the staff.
Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable permises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence the author offers, his argument cannot be accepted as valid.
The primary issue with the author's reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises.
The first premise, the CoffeeCart's and food service's ability to operate is threaned because the they cannot cover their costs by sales, lacks evidence by pointing out how much the sales decreased by and what caused the loss in sales.
The second premise he states is that a lot of people leaving the company is a sign of low staff morale and that they have also a problem with the service of the cart due to a questionaire. The author omits to name a specific number of the people leaving the employees.
The author's premises, the basis for his argument, lack any legitimate evidentiary support and render his conclusion unacceptable.
In addition, the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven.
The author assumes that leaving the company is directly connected with the dissatisfaction of the wending machine. Is it really the food service in the lobby that makes the staff leave the company? It could have several reasons like the dissatisfaction with their supervisors, their monthly pay or the location of the company.
The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links between the dissatisfaction of the employees because of the snack and coffe service in the lobby and the staff morale he assumes exist.
While the author has included various drawbacks into his argument's premises and assumptions, that is not to say that his entire argument is without base.
If the author would have added some numbers that describe the loss of or the decrease in sales regarding the machines of convenience in the company's lobby or the reasons why people leave or maybe have to leave the company, the author could have strengthen his argument.
Though there are several issues with the author's reasoning at present, with research and clarification, he could improve his argument significantly.
In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid.
If the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds on the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.
here is another essay. I would be very grateful to everybody giving constructive critique.
Details:
non-native English speaker
492 words
The following appeared in a memorandum to the work-group supervisors of the GBS Company:
"The CoffeeCart beverage and food service located in the lobby of our main office building is not earning enough in sales to cover its costs, and so the cart may discontinue operating at GBS. Given the low staff morale, as evidenced by the increase in the number of employees leaving the company, the loss of this service could present a problem, especially since the staff morale questionnaire showed widespread dissatisfaction with the snack machines. Therefore, supervisors should remind the employees in their group to patronize the cart-after all, it was leased for their convenience so that they would not have to walk over to the cafeteria on breaks."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
As satisfaction at the work location becomes more and more important, companies try everything to keep their staff by making their employees comfortable. Some companies buil a Kindergarden next to the company's building, some put a snack machine in their lobby.
In the preceding statement, the author claims that supervisors should encourage their employees to patronize with the CoffeCart located in the company's lobby because the only reason it is there is the comfort of the staff.
Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable permises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence the author offers, his argument cannot be accepted as valid.
The primary issue with the author's reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises.
The first premise, the CoffeeCart's and food service's ability to operate is threaned because the they cannot cover their costs by sales, lacks evidence by pointing out how much the sales decreased by and what caused the loss in sales.
The second premise he states is that a lot of people leaving the company is a sign of low staff morale and that they have also a problem with the service of the cart due to a questionaire. The author omits to name a specific number of the people leaving the employees.
The author's premises, the basis for his argument, lack any legitimate evidentiary support and render his conclusion unacceptable.
In addition, the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven.
The author assumes that leaving the company is directly connected with the dissatisfaction of the wending machine. Is it really the food service in the lobby that makes the staff leave the company? It could have several reasons like the dissatisfaction with their supervisors, their monthly pay or the location of the company.
The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links between the dissatisfaction of the employees because of the snack and coffe service in the lobby and the staff morale he assumes exist.
While the author has included various drawbacks into his argument's premises and assumptions, that is not to say that his entire argument is without base.
If the author would have added some numbers that describe the loss of or the decrease in sales regarding the machines of convenience in the company's lobby or the reasons why people leave or maybe have to leave the company, the author could have strengthen his argument.
Though there are several issues with the author's reasoning at present, with research and clarification, he could improve his argument significantly.
In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid.
If the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds on the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.
