Please rate my argumentative essay

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Topic: The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
"When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralisation would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees."



Para 1: The above argument has been a serious question for many businesses today, whether to centralise the operations of workforce or to have diverse offices or branches. Like every decision, even this decision has its own pros and quons, the only difference being to know the circumstances well enough to take a specific decision. I disagree to the author's argument to centralise the operations, just because it helped in the past.

Para 2: The premise to the above argument is that Apogee Ltd. was more profitable due to a specific strategy (centralisation) in the past. This does not mean that the same thing will work in future as well. The author does not consider other parameters such as industry scenario, economic conditions, and current position of the company itself. So just because a particular strategy worked out in the past, does not mean that it is going to work out in the future as well.

Para 3: The foremost assumption in the above argument is that the centralisation of the workers will not affect the sales of the business. When a business centralises its workers and closes down offices, the first impact is on the customer service and sales of the business. Nothing is mentioned about this aspect. Eg: My current company Angel Broking cut down its employees by half, but the management is now facing a problem of how to provide effective services to its customers all over.

Para 4: If the author would had given additional information of the current circumstances of the company or the industry or economic conditions, then the argument would have made sense. There could also be a possibility that while Apogee ltd, is busy cutting down costs and the industry competitors and other companies are expanding their businesses and Apogee Ltd. lost on its sales as profits can also be earned by expansion than only cutting costs (going one step backwards).

Para 5: Overall, the argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render the author's conclusion invalid. Hence more premises are required to prove the argument to be correct.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by Ahmed MS » Sat May 21, 2011 1:30 am
Dear Amit,

I think you should use more appropriate examples as it is not clear to me.Your example must be fitted with the topic sentence. And you should use more than one examples in your writing. This is what I think.

Cheers.

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by Rezinka » Sun May 22, 2011 9:28 am
Hey Amit

My view:

1. You have taken a position on the argument. I don't think you are supposed to do that. In an argument essay we only concentrate on the line of resoning, not whether we agree with the view or not.

2. Why have you written Para 1, Para 2, etc? Your spacing makes it pretty clear.

3. I am not exactly sure about this on the GMAT but I don't think we are allowed brackets () in the essays.

Hope it helps !

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by itsmebharat » Tue May 24, 2011 12:48 am
Hi Amit,

Although you did a good job in analyzing the issues, but lacks in structuring it. I tried to formulate but as I am also learning to write one, so have a look and suggests.

Globalization is the key word in today's world for any company to grow exponentially. Considering the growth of company in terms of revenue, one must eye to expand its business at different locations, that only helps to capture a new market and also increase its brand value. Thats what Apogee Company might have thought of while opening its operations at different locations. As per the author's argument the Apogee Company should operate from a single location and close all other offices, though, author claim could have been right, but the argument has been poorly reasoned, there are many flaws and solely on the basis of information provided we cannot accept his argument as valid.



Primarily, the author mentioned that "when the company Apogee had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable", but how , what were reasons behind the success, does all those reasons still valid in today's growing market as well. It could have been possible that the company had a good run during its golden years, there wasn't huge competition at that time, but that be same today, we can't assume that, because there is no data or facts provided to support. Secondly, on the basis of his ( author ) first statement, author concluded that the company should close all other offices at different locations as its profits are decreasing. Again, no evidence provided to support his claim, why the company is not able to maintain its profits, is it because of language, culture, literacy level, etc. The author's premises, the basis for his argument, lacks any evidence support and makes his conclusion unacceptable.


In addition, the author recommends the centralization at one location will help improve profitability and better supervision of employees. If these were the actual resons then we can resolve them by following some measure rather closing the offices. For supervision, a group of people can be formed, having administrative privileges to manages the critical situations, monitors or tracks the progress of the offices and takes decisions as and when necessary for the growth of company. For centralization, Latest technology equipments can be used to manage the tasks and other stuff from central location. The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide necessary evidence for the closing down of offices.

Though there are several issues with the author's argument, not having proper evidence and unsubstantiated assumptions but we cannot say that the whole argument is without base. There could have been reasons behind the failure of the company in other locations, for which it might require to take such drastic decisions. However, with only the information provided in the argument we cannot agree as there are issues with the author's reasoning at present, with research and clarification, he could improve his argument significantly, provide more evidence, fix the flaws that will help readers to clearly understand the issue and making a right decision.
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