Hi all,
I submitted one of my essays for review from princeton review, but haven't received a response yet. I have little idea where I stand in terms of the AWA. Can anyone give any comments on these two essays below (i.e.what you think the score would be - best guess - and any generic comments for improvement)? Thank you!
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ARGUMENT:
Last summer saw a 500% increase in tourism at the seaside resort, and the national economic situation is even more favorable this year. This summer ' s tourist boom will surely generate record revenues which will resolve the area ' s economic difficulties.
Explain how logically persuasive you find the argument. In discussing your viewpoint, analyze the argument ' s line of reasoning and its use of evidence. Also explain what, if anything, would make the argument more valid and convincing or help you to better evaluate its conclusion.
RESPONSE:
Many people consider tourism integral to their nation's economy. Some countries, such as Thailand and Malaysia, are highly dependent on tourism. Other countries that focus more on the manufacturing sector than the service sector put less emphasis on boosting tourism. The writer of the preceding statement assumes that there will surely be a tourist boom this year because of the improving economic situation, which will in turn solve the area's economic woes. Though this claim has its merits, the writer relies on flawed premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that undermine the validity of the statement. Furthermore, the writer is lacking in several key figures that would render the argument more convincing.
The primary issue with the writer's statements is the insufficient evidence to support the premises. In particular, the writer assumes that a tourist boom will resolve the area's economic difficulties. This is a grandiose statement that is not supported by the evidence. As an example, if the seaside resort is facing large losses because of competition from a neighboring resort, then an increase in tourism may not completely solve the economic woes. Another unsubstantiated premise is that the tourism boom is going to generate record revenues. There may be an increase in tourism, but the writer cannot predict that record revenues would result. Why was there was such a substantial increase in tourism last year? If there was an unusual reason for the increase, such as publicity for the region (e.g. Jersey Shore), then the same increase this year may not result.
A secondary issue with the writer's statements is that she makes unstated assumptions. The writer assumes that the improvement in the national economic situation will necessarily increase tourism at the seaside resort. An alternative possibility is that the seaside resort would actually have fewer tourists when the economy improves. For example, if the seaside resort is in New Jersey, then visitors this year may have the economic means to go to Las Vegas or Florida rather than go to New Jersey. Thus the improvement in the national economic situation may not improve tourism. Furthermore, the writer assumes that the typical tourist who visits the seaside resort is positively affected by the improvement in the national economic situation. It is possible that the per capita income has increased this year by raising people above the poverty line. However, for the people who have the means to go to the seaside resort, the economic condition may not have improved. The writer must make clear the links between the improvement in the national economic situation and the improvement in tourism at the seaside resort.
The writer's statements are not without merit, but can be improved by stating some assumptions and figures. To support the premises, the writer should include the degree of economic difficulties the area is facing in figures. Moreover, the writer should explain the proportion of the economy in the seaside resort that are dependent tourism. The writer should describe how the area's economic situation was improved by the 500% increase in tourism last year. To clarify the assumptions, the writer should show that the national economic situation will increase the number of tourists who typically visit the seaside resort. The writer should also predict whether these tourists will continue to go to the seaside resort over other competitors.
In summary, the writer's statements will not convince readers of her argument without clarification on the premises or stating additional assumptions. The writer needs to provide figures and additional assumptions. Without these improvements, the writer's argument is unconvincing in its current state.
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ISSUE:
Although the redevelopment proposal for the blighted inner-city neighborhood has prompted criticism from senior citizens, advocates of low and middle-income housing, and community residents fearful of inconvenience or even displacement, it promises to create not only a number of upscale apartment buildings but also numerous construction jobs as well.
Discuss the issue being considered and its implications. Develop an argument advocating whether or not the redevelopment proposal is a good idea. Explain your position using relevant reasons or examples drawn from your own experience, observations, or reading.
RESPONSE:
The issue of redevelopment projects that have may revamp a community's image at the expense of its existing residents is controversial. There are benefits and drawbacks to this proposal. Proponents may claim that the upscale apartment buildings and creation of construction jobs would revitalize and modernize the entire area. However, opponents may argue that senior citizens and low-income housing residents may be displaced. Overall, I believe that a redevelopment proposal should have adequate provision for existing residents. Without these provisions, the development project should be postponed until it gains further traction.
Firstly, the inner-city neighborhood may contain many residents of low and middle-income housing as well as senior citizens. The area may also contain parks and recreational areas on which many of the residents depend. The construction of upscale apartment buildings would do little to compensate these residents as they often cannot afford to live in these complexes. Furthermore, where would these residents be relocated? It would hardly be adequate to dislocate these families and break up the neighborhood, even if monetary compensation was involved. There are some things that money cannot buy, including a childhood home and old neighbors. The upscale apartment buildings would bring a great cost to existing residents.
Secondly, the construction jobs that are created may not necessarily benefit residents in the community. These construction jobs would likely be extended to the whole city's population and the jobs that are taken up by residents of the neighborhood may be negligible. On the other hand, the destruction of the existing housing area may actually destroy job if small stores or neighborhood staples were removed or driven out by the competition of the upscale complex. Thus the creation of construction jobs is an inadequate compensation for the loss of abode and livelihood of its residents. These constructions jobs are also temporary.
Critics may argue that the redevelopment project is a controversial issue that has its merits. If the existing neighborhood is said to be 'blighted', then the new upscale neighborhood may create a safer environment for the community and the city. However, for the citizens to reap the benefits of the safer environment, they must be allowed to stay. For example, I suggest that there be dedicated rent-controlled units of the upscale housing project that existing residents can afford. In New York, I lived in an apartment building that was rent-controlled and thus offered lower rental costs to certain tenants compared to neighboring buildings. As a result, my building had a number of residents who had not relocated and had stayed for the last decade, despite extensive redevelopment. These measures can also be implemented in this community.
In sum, the redevelopment proposal must have adequate provision for existing residents to ensure that there is a fair compensation: an ability to afford housing in the same area and an agreement to not displace existing workers in the area. Without these provisions, the existing senior citizens and community residents are right to be opposed to the redevelopment project.
I submitted one of my essays for review from princeton review, but haven't received a response yet. I have little idea where I stand in terms of the AWA. Can anyone give any comments on these two essays below (i.e.what you think the score would be - best guess - and any generic comments for improvement)? Thank you!
----
ARGUMENT:
Last summer saw a 500% increase in tourism at the seaside resort, and the national economic situation is even more favorable this year. This summer ' s tourist boom will surely generate record revenues which will resolve the area ' s economic difficulties.
Explain how logically persuasive you find the argument. In discussing your viewpoint, analyze the argument ' s line of reasoning and its use of evidence. Also explain what, if anything, would make the argument more valid and convincing or help you to better evaluate its conclusion.
RESPONSE:
Many people consider tourism integral to their nation's economy. Some countries, such as Thailand and Malaysia, are highly dependent on tourism. Other countries that focus more on the manufacturing sector than the service sector put less emphasis on boosting tourism. The writer of the preceding statement assumes that there will surely be a tourist boom this year because of the improving economic situation, which will in turn solve the area's economic woes. Though this claim has its merits, the writer relies on flawed premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that undermine the validity of the statement. Furthermore, the writer is lacking in several key figures that would render the argument more convincing.
The primary issue with the writer's statements is the insufficient evidence to support the premises. In particular, the writer assumes that a tourist boom will resolve the area's economic difficulties. This is a grandiose statement that is not supported by the evidence. As an example, if the seaside resort is facing large losses because of competition from a neighboring resort, then an increase in tourism may not completely solve the economic woes. Another unsubstantiated premise is that the tourism boom is going to generate record revenues. There may be an increase in tourism, but the writer cannot predict that record revenues would result. Why was there was such a substantial increase in tourism last year? If there was an unusual reason for the increase, such as publicity for the region (e.g. Jersey Shore), then the same increase this year may not result.
A secondary issue with the writer's statements is that she makes unstated assumptions. The writer assumes that the improvement in the national economic situation will necessarily increase tourism at the seaside resort. An alternative possibility is that the seaside resort would actually have fewer tourists when the economy improves. For example, if the seaside resort is in New Jersey, then visitors this year may have the economic means to go to Las Vegas or Florida rather than go to New Jersey. Thus the improvement in the national economic situation may not improve tourism. Furthermore, the writer assumes that the typical tourist who visits the seaside resort is positively affected by the improvement in the national economic situation. It is possible that the per capita income has increased this year by raising people above the poverty line. However, for the people who have the means to go to the seaside resort, the economic condition may not have improved. The writer must make clear the links between the improvement in the national economic situation and the improvement in tourism at the seaside resort.
The writer's statements are not without merit, but can be improved by stating some assumptions and figures. To support the premises, the writer should include the degree of economic difficulties the area is facing in figures. Moreover, the writer should explain the proportion of the economy in the seaside resort that are dependent tourism. The writer should describe how the area's economic situation was improved by the 500% increase in tourism last year. To clarify the assumptions, the writer should show that the national economic situation will increase the number of tourists who typically visit the seaside resort. The writer should also predict whether these tourists will continue to go to the seaside resort over other competitors.
In summary, the writer's statements will not convince readers of her argument without clarification on the premises or stating additional assumptions. The writer needs to provide figures and additional assumptions. Without these improvements, the writer's argument is unconvincing in its current state.
------
ISSUE:
Although the redevelopment proposal for the blighted inner-city neighborhood has prompted criticism from senior citizens, advocates of low and middle-income housing, and community residents fearful of inconvenience or even displacement, it promises to create not only a number of upscale apartment buildings but also numerous construction jobs as well.
Discuss the issue being considered and its implications. Develop an argument advocating whether or not the redevelopment proposal is a good idea. Explain your position using relevant reasons or examples drawn from your own experience, observations, or reading.
RESPONSE:
The issue of redevelopment projects that have may revamp a community's image at the expense of its existing residents is controversial. There are benefits and drawbacks to this proposal. Proponents may claim that the upscale apartment buildings and creation of construction jobs would revitalize and modernize the entire area. However, opponents may argue that senior citizens and low-income housing residents may be displaced. Overall, I believe that a redevelopment proposal should have adequate provision for existing residents. Without these provisions, the development project should be postponed until it gains further traction.
Firstly, the inner-city neighborhood may contain many residents of low and middle-income housing as well as senior citizens. The area may also contain parks and recreational areas on which many of the residents depend. The construction of upscale apartment buildings would do little to compensate these residents as they often cannot afford to live in these complexes. Furthermore, where would these residents be relocated? It would hardly be adequate to dislocate these families and break up the neighborhood, even if monetary compensation was involved. There are some things that money cannot buy, including a childhood home and old neighbors. The upscale apartment buildings would bring a great cost to existing residents.
Secondly, the construction jobs that are created may not necessarily benefit residents in the community. These construction jobs would likely be extended to the whole city's population and the jobs that are taken up by residents of the neighborhood may be negligible. On the other hand, the destruction of the existing housing area may actually destroy job if small stores or neighborhood staples were removed or driven out by the competition of the upscale complex. Thus the creation of construction jobs is an inadequate compensation for the loss of abode and livelihood of its residents. These constructions jobs are also temporary.
Critics may argue that the redevelopment project is a controversial issue that has its merits. If the existing neighborhood is said to be 'blighted', then the new upscale neighborhood may create a safer environment for the community and the city. However, for the citizens to reap the benefits of the safer environment, they must be allowed to stay. For example, I suggest that there be dedicated rent-controlled units of the upscale housing project that existing residents can afford. In New York, I lived in an apartment building that was rent-controlled and thus offered lower rental costs to certain tenants compared to neighboring buildings. As a result, my building had a number of residents who had not relocated and had stayed for the last decade, despite extensive redevelopment. These measures can also be implemented in this community.
In sum, the redevelopment proposal must have adequate provision for existing residents to ensure that there is a fair compensation: an ability to afford housing in the same area and an agreement to not displace existing workers in the area. Without these provisions, the existing senior citizens and community residents are right to be opposed to the redevelopment project.
