grade please, it is short :)

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grade please, it is short :)

by nicktimoshenko » Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:01 am
"Of all the manifestations* of power, restraint in the use of that power impresses people most."
*manifestations: apparent signs or indicators
Explain what you think this quotation means and discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with it. Develop
your position with reasons and/or specific examples drawn from history, current events, or your own experience,
observations, or reading.


There is widespread opinion that of all the manifestation of power, restraint in the use of that power impresses people most. In this essay I will provide support and opposite terms to this statement.

In first restraint in the use power not always impresses people. For example lust king of Russia Nikolay 2 lost his power, and was perished by communist because he restrain his power. Another example France king Ludovik 15, who was very, liberal so lost his power.

History examples suggest, that in country with non educated people restraint of power not impress people, but made them to think that power is weak. But no educated people like strong lieder. In this countries even use of death penalty can provide support of population.

Given statement is true only in democratic and educated modern countries. In them people know, that main source of power is people, so strong lieder should not provide strong manifestations. Even more strong lieder should be able to solve problem without manifestations.

Thus the quotation is not true. It would be true if we write "In democratic countries of all the manifestations of power, restraint in the use of that power impresses people most"

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and write please, is it big problem if i write essay not longer than 200-230 words?
Last edited by nicktimoshenko on Wed Apr 07, 2010 11:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by becnil » Wed Apr 07, 2010 8:52 pm
1) You have issues with sentence construction, spelling and grammar.
2) You have to follow a proper template to write the AWA Essays - you have only included a number of paragraphs, but the contents of these paras are not strong enough. They do not clearly say what you are trying to say. Also, the paras are too short
3)I think you need to take a stand - support one idea and reject the other - state this in the intro para itself
4)Overall, your essay is very short - you need to work on making it a bit bigger than this. Although there is no word limit, my experience and a common suggestion is to write around 400-500 words per essay

Suggestions - go through this forum to check a couple of templates and come up with one you feel comfortable with. Then carefully go over a couple of essays you write for practice; it may be wise to show it to some of your friends and family to get their opinion. Check the most common grammar and spelling mistakes you make and try to rectify them.

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by nicktimoshenko » Wed Apr 07, 2010 11:06 pm
thanks, becnil

i have just notice "lust" "lieder" and so.. it is awful but it's my current English level ))

And another question. There are a lot of essay template. For example this (https://www.beatthegmat.com/argument-ess ... 38032.html). is it normal to use sentences from templates, without changes? For example this paragraph in the end of each argument essay.

" If the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds on the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people."

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